Homecoming and Prank Wars
by Razell
Summary: Kidoumaru learns he can't go home again as Obito, Naruto, Nawaki, Konohamaru, Suigetsu and others begin a prank spree to end them all. Angst in the beginning. Originally the final chapters of Kidoumaru Does Konoha! Rated for some sexual references.
1. Chapter 1

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 1

Mizuki opened the door to find Eiji and Zaku standing there.

"Hey, what are you guys doing here? Come in."

They stepped into the room, "We were thinking, Mizuki, your birthday is coming up in a few days, and we thought you might like a vacation."

"A vacation? You don't have to do that."

Zaku grinned, "We want to. Now, where would you like to go?"

Mizuki thought for a moment, "I . . . I really don't know. What about . . . What about the Village of the Silken Web?"

Eiji considered for a moment, "You want to go to my clan's village? I haven't been home in years . . . I'd have to ask . . ."

"Yeah! I'd like to see your village!" Zaku shouted and slapped Eiji on the back., "You haven't met any of your new clan, outside of me, my parents, Kidoumaru and Eiichiro yet, have you?"

Eiji turned to Mizuki, "How would you like to go? It's a long way, we could go by train from here to Takigakure, then walk the rest of the way, or just fly."

Mizuki thought for a moment, "I've always wanted to ride a train."

"Then we'll see what we can do." Eiji paused, "Would you object if we asked Kidoumaru if he wanted to come?"

"No, I was going to ask Iruka! But . . . From what I understand, Kidoumaru and his parents . . . What if they don't want to see him?"

"I know. Still, he has a right to see his home again, to try . . ."

Zaku looked at them curiously, "If Kidoumaru's parents are still alive, how could the Nara clan adopt him?"

Neither Eiji nor Mizuki could answer that question . . .

...

Shikamaru looked at Anko in disbelief, "Dead? Hidan is dead?"

"Yes, he died sometime while you were at Zaku's party, we only just discovered it. We weren't going to ever open that seal again, but we noticed some . . . Signs and opened to make sure."

Shikamaru smiled thinly, "What did you do with the head?"

"We buried it where we usually take enemy bodies, in the field outside the village. We couldn't just leave it lying around, smelling up the place . . ." "

I understand. Thanks for letting me know."

Nawaki, Naruto, Obito and Sasuke sat around under a large tree, laughing and joking amongst themselves.

"So this idiot," Sasuke motioned toward Naruto, "Gave the _wrong_ hand signs and used a Water-Style-Jutsu_ inside_ the classroom! The whole building was flooded! It took weeks to dry everything out!"

"One time Obito decided that Konoha was too boring and needed bright colors, so Obito snuck out at night and painted the Hokage tower bright orange!"

Naruto nearly fell over, "Genius! I wish I'd thought of that, dattebayo! Did you ever paint on the Hokage monument?"

"All the time, Obito got in so much trouble!"

Nawaki turned to Sasuke, "Can we talk for a few minutes, alone?"

"Sure." Sasuke thought for a moment,_ I wonder how much he can tell me about Itachi?_ They walked off a short way into the woods.

"When I was being held prisoner, your brother and his friend were watching me, they were pretty nice, we played games and stuff. He told me that . . . That he killed your clan, he seemed to fell really guilty about it.'

Sasuke nodded, "Yeah, he killed all of them, except me and Obito."

"I . . . I think that may be why he helped me. When we met, he told me he wasn't going to hurt me . . . And that's why I wanted to talk to you. The day before he killed that creep, I asked if he was going to kill me, and he said, 'I promise I won't hurt you, _Sasuke_.' He called _me_ Sasuke."

Sasuke's mouth dropped open, but he couldn't speak.

...

Yamanaka Inoichi smiled and patted Dosu on the back, "Be careful kid. And watch out for Jiraiya, I don't want him filling your head with perverted ideas."

Dosu laughed, "Yes sir." He paused, "Thank you, for everything. Not many people would just take a guy like me in off the street, especially knowing what I've done in the past. I can't ever repay you for your kindness."

Inoichi smiled warmly, "It was our pleasure. I really enjoy having you around, you're a good kid."

"A _good_ kid?!" Kidoumaru grabbed Dosu in a headlock and began to give him a noogie, "You don't know him very well, do you?"

Dosu playfully elbowed him in the gut, "You found me out!"

Ino shook her head, "Boys..."

_"Are better than girls!_" Ukon shouted, and Ino glared at him, "Anyway. Tell me if that Konan woman is really as beautiful as everyone says."

"And say hi to Maki for me." Kidoumaru put an arm around Dosu, "You're not just representing Konoha, you're representing all of us from the Oto team, so make us proud."

Dosu grinned, "I'll tell everyone _you _taught me to act like a brat!"

Guy came jogging up, "My Youthful pupils! It is time to begin our dynamic mission!"

Kidoumaru scratched the back of his head in confusion, "I'll never understand that guy . . ."

"Bye, losers!" Dosu shouted.

"Speak for yourself, dumb-#!" Tayuya shouted, "Get your furry #! Out of town!"

"I love you too, Tayuya!"

Dosu laughed and waved as he walked with his team out of the gates of Konohagakure.

...

Zaku grinned wolfishly and slid an arm around Kin's waist, "Hey, I hear train rides are romantic. And a lot of people go to Taki on their honeymoon. It's supposed to be a real pretty place . . ."

Kin smiled, then pulled Zaku roughly against her and kissed him, "This isn't our honeymoon, Zak. I'm surprised you can be so romantic about a trip."

Zaku ran a hand through anxiously through his black hair, "What can I say, I'm full of surprises."

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 2

Kidoumaru sat quietly for a moment, considering, before finally coming to a conclusion.

"No. I can't go back. It's too late."

Akira sighed, Kidoumaru's parents had disowned him in disgust over his actions years ago, still . . . "Do you want us to tell them anything, for you?"

Kidoumaru shook his head, "Just tell them . . . I'm sorry, and they don't have to worry about me anymore, I'm through with that life, and I'd rather die than serve something like Orochimaru again."

"I'll tell them about what you've done, how you've changed so much. I know I'd be proud, if you were my son."

Kidoumaru looked away, "You're not my father . . . It's easier for you to forgive me."

...

As Akira left, Shikamaru entered the room. "Do you really think they won't be able to forgive you?"

"No. I _know_ they won't be able to forgive me. I've been so lucky it's miraculous, coming back from the dead, finding good friends and a kind family who accept me, despite what I've done. But not everyone is as forgiving as you are. They disowned me, even though I'm alive again, I'm still dead to them." He stood, "I don't blame them, I betrayed everything they believe in, I allowed myself to become a monster, a murderer." He turned and started up the stairs.

"Kidoumaru?"

"Please, I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Shikamaru watched sadly as Kidoumaru walked up the stairs and out of his sight.

...

"How can he be so happy?! He even sparkles in the rain!"

Yoshi was right, Guy walked smiling down the muddy path through the cold, pouring rain as if he were walking through a field of flowers in the summertime. "It's all in your point of view! If you have a Youthful mind-set, nothing will discourage you!"

Dosu just carried on quietly, he'd been through far worse conditions than this, he'd suffered in ways his teammates couldn't imagine.

"Hey, Fluffy!"

He turned to look at Kara, "Yeah?"

"I hope that fur of yours doesn't carry fleas!"

Dosu grinned, "Don't worry, I'm flea-free, we can snuggle in safety!" He made a kissing noise.

"Be careful, I could sue you for sexual harassment!"

Yoshi laughed, "You're the one hitting on him! All that talk about his pelt, you're just trying to get close!"

"I am not!"

Guy started singing a loud, happy tune as his students teased each other back and forth.

...

Tomoe looked at her husband sadly, "He's not coming, is he?"

"No. He doesn't think his parents will forgive him."

Tomoe looked away, "The sad thing is, he's probably _right_."

"So, we're flying to Kusa?" They turned to see Iruka and Mizuki walking up. "

Yeah, we're taking Zaku's summon to Kusagakure, then going by train."

Iruka smiled, "Does she have a name? I've only heard you guys call her 'The Summon'."

Mizuki shrugged, "Zaku said her name was Kurokaze. He's spent a lot of time with her, actually, when he's not chasing Kin."

"It seems to me Kin's not trying too hard to get away."

...

"Hey, guys!" Nawaki moved over to the Oto-Nin's table, "I wanna' show you this!"

He set a framed picture on the table, and Tayuya picked it up. "Oh, my God! Look at that little #!"

She started laughing as Kidoumaru took the picture from her hand. It was a picture of a man and three kids, the man bore a great resemblance to the Sandaime, the first kid on the left was a cute, white haired boy with a lecherous grin and two thin, red facial tattoos, clearly a young Jiraiya, the second was a pretty blonde girl whom he could only assume was Tsunade, which meant the third, the skinny, pale-skinned, black-haired, yellow eyed boy to the right was . . .

"Hey guys! Check out the Snake!"

Everyone crowded around to see.

"Man, what happened to that #!? He looks . . . _Innocent_ . . ." Ukon snorted.

Jirobou held his face a few inches from the frame, "That can't be . . . _him_? Can it?"

"Look at his #! Eyes! Who the #! Else has _snake eyes_?!" Tayuya shook her head, "What made him turn from a cute little kid to a #! Blood-thirsty demon #!"

"He wanted power, and he wanted immortality. Even the worst trash characters start the game as innocent kids . . ."

Nawaki sat down, "Tsunade used to be on the same Genin team as Jiraiya and Orochimaru, of course, that was before I was born."

Sakon leaned forward to get a better look, "Look at Jiraiya! You can tell he's a perv just by looking at him!"

"Some people change, and some people stay the same, little brother."

"Is that Orochimaru-Sama?" They turned to see Kimimaro standing behind them, staring intently at the picture, "Wow, Tsunade-Sama really filled-out, didn't she?"

Nawaki snorted at the remark, and everyone started laughing.

...

The train station in Grass was fairly new and still held a newly polished shine. It was made of wood, a rarity in Kusagakure, with antique styled benches and wrought iron railings. The train itself was a bulky, silver and blue hunk of metal, shining in the bright sunlight. Trains, like inter-village telephone service, were rare, it was difficult to keep lasting lines and tracks between lands frequently embroiled in war. Of the group, only Akira, Tomoe and Eiji had ever ridden a train before.

"So, Kin," Zaku stepped toward his bunk, "Let's share the bed!"

Kin laughed, "You wish!"

Tomoe smiled, "Do you guys have everything you need? The train pulls out in about a half hour." Both nodded, "Good. There's a lounge car we can go to watch the scenery go by. Just be sure to lock your things in your rooms and don't forget the keys."

Mizuki placed his neatly ordered clothes into the small wooden closet.

"Excited?"

Mizuki turned, "Yeah. What about you, 'Ruka?"

"I can't believe you're about to turn twenty-seven! Man we're getting _old_, 'Zuki!"

"Happens to the best of us. I already turned old once . . ."

Iruka nodded, "I remember."

...

"Kidoumaru!" He turned at the sound of Sakura's voice. "Kidoumaru, I heard about what happened today . . ."

"It's not something I want to talk about, Babe." He stared into space for a moment, "I'd like to go home, I wish I could go home, I wish I could see my parents again. But I can't, they made it clear I'm not welcome back, ever. I . . . " He paused, "I have a new family now. I know everyone wondered how I could be adopted if my parents were still alive. They gave up custody. They basically said, 'You can have the brat, he's not worth our . . .'" He looked away, "They can't forgive me."

She put an arm around him, "Maybe . . ." She didn't know what to say. _If they're so #! Cold as to throw away their own son because he made some mistakes, they don't deserve him!_ Inner Sakura growled. "I'm sorry. Whatever happens, you have us, you know that."

"Yeah, I know." Sakura leaned against him, "I just thought of something, since your birthday is actually in December, then you're still only fifteen . . . You're_ Zaku's_ age . . ."

He smiled, "Better hope nobody calls the law on you, Babe."

...

Sasuke woke slowly to find Obito shaking him, "Hey, Sasuke! Obito has a great idea!"

"What?" "We go get Sakon, Ukon, Suigetsu, Sai, everybody, and we play a big prank on the whole town!"

Sasuke started to get dressed, "This better be good . . ."

As night fell everyone headed to their bunks. Just outside of his room, Zaku turned and grinned, "Hey, Kin, sure you don't want to take me up on my offer?"

Kin smiled back, "Sure."

Zaku's eyes widened and his cheeks turned red, "W-what!?"

"I said _yes_, let's go." Zaku paled, "I-I-I-I-I . . ." He stuttered, a look of panic on his face, "I gotta go!"

Kin started laughing as he locked the door behind him,_ I thought so!_

Eiji walked by and looked at Kin, "What's going on?"

"I'm just having some fun with Romeo." She giggled and walked off, leaving a very confused Eiji behind.

...

As dawn rose in Konoha, a surprise awaited the new day. Tsunade stood, shading her eyes and trying not to laugh. _After all these years, he still hasn't changed._ The whole town crowded around her, staring at the Hokage tower, shining bright orange against the morning sky.

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 3

The waterfalls thundered from high in the mist covered mountains, crashing into the various rivers which streamed out in several directions, bringing their precious water to several villages miles and miles away. A moderate sized, well built, pretty little village sat at the base of the nearest mountain.

"It's beautiful . . ." Kin gave voice to what everyone was thinking.

"It's been too long since I was in Takigakure, longer still since I was home." Eiji said softly.

...

Jiraiya was on his knees, peeking into a hole in the wall of the women's area of the bath house. He chuckled,_ Such fruitful research! I love my job!_

"JIRAIYA-SAMA!"

Jiraiya jumped a good fifteen feet into the air, then landed as nimbly as a man a half his age, clutching a hand over his heart. "Guy?! Are you trying to kill me?!"

Guy laughed heartily, "We came to bring you your precious items!" He swept his arm dramatically over his students,

Jiraiya recognized them all, even the little hunchback from Otogakure. Kara stepped forward and handed him a small box, "You brought it! I thought I was going to have to go back! I can't work without my lucky pen!"

All three kids nearly fell over.

"A lucky pen!" Yoshi shouted, "We came all this way, through that cold, wet hell hole to deliver a _pen!_"

Jiraiya grinned broadly, "Not just any pen! My lucky pen! I wrote my first book with this!"

...

Kidoumaru shook Kotaro's hand, the Suna-Nin was going home. A small group was headed back to Sunagakure for various reasons, and the Genjutsu-user was among them.

"Give my regards to Kankurou-San and Hana-San."

"I will. Say good-bye to Dosu for me."

"It seems like all the _fun_ Suna people are leaving!" Sakon remarked.

Tayuya pushed her way over, "Keep up the #! Practicing! If you get your #! Killed, it'll make me look_ bad_!"

He smiled, "I will. I'll make you proud, Sensei."

Tayuya blushed slightly, then caught herself, "Don't you #!_ Dare_ call me #! '_Sensei_'! People will #! Think I'm soft! I'm no #! Music teacher, got it?!"

Kotaro smiled, "Yes, ma'am!"

...

The group spent the night and part of the next day in a cozy little hotel overlooking a massive waterfall. They wandered through the village, taking in the sights and sounds, and stopped to picnic beside one of the many rivers flowing through Taki.

"I wonder why Kakuzu-San left this place? It's so beautiful!" Kin sat on the bank, dangling her feet in the cool water.

"Who knows, but he must have had a good reason . . . Probably couldn't make enough money here!" Zaku sat next to her, he'd stripped down a pair of shorts, and set his own feet into the water. Kin laughed as he put an arm around her.

"I'd have thought you'd be scared to be around me, after what happened on the train."

Zaku smiled, "How'd you know I wouldn't _agree_?"

Kin put a hand on his bare stomach, "Because I don't think you're any more ready for_ that_ than I am."

"And what if I _had_ agreed?"

"I'd have had to _hurt_ you."

Zaku pouted, "You're so cold!"

...

The trek took them through a long maze of forest paths towards a large, forested mountain, covered with the bright colors of deep autumn and crowned with a thick mist.

"There it is," Eiji smiled, "The Mountain of the Webs."

Mizuki looked up in awe, "It's_ incredible_ . . ."

"We'd better get moving. I can't wait to get home . . ."

They all stopped in their tracks as the village came into view, it was smaller than Konohagakure, but elegantly constructed, with small, wood and stone houses and a large, protective wall of stone shielded it from any potential invaders. As they entered the massive gates, Zaku noticed that not everyone had six arms. It made sense, if everyone in the village were of the same clan, the in-breeding would be fierce. Presumably non-Naraku people married into the clan, and their children would be born with six arms, as some sort of dominate trait. Then those not closely related would marry, keeping up the line. It was nowhere near the inbreeding practiced by some ancient clans, like the Hyuuga and Uchiha, to preserve their Blood limits. A large crowd began to gather around, greeting their old friends and the new faces.

Several dark hands reached out and mussed Zaku's hair or pinched his cheeks, and he pulled back.

"So, you're the new kid, huh?" A plump woman smiled and pulled him against herself, "Quite a cutie you got here, Tomoe!"

Tomoe laughed, "Yes he is, Akiko . . . He's a good kid, too. Though he has a _mouth_ you wouldn't believe!"

Akiko picked him up, "I don't believe it! I'll bet you're a little _angel_, aren't you?!"

Kin started laughing, "Yeah, he's an angel, from _Hell_!"

"Ha, ha, Kin, very funny."

Akiko set him down and looked at Kin, "What a _darling _little girl!"

Now it was Zaku's turn to laugh . . .

...

"I heard about Eiichiro," An older man said softly to Eiji, "It must have been hard . . ."

"Yes, sir. It was, but he left me no choice, he understood that I had to protect my friends. I try not to think to much on it . . ."

Iruka and Mizuki were shaking hands left and right, "We've heard a lot about you two." A tall, elegant woman said, "You helped defeat Jashin, that's very impressive."

Iruka scratched the back of his head, "Zaku did most of the work . . . And Eiji, he had to . . ."

"I know, it must have been terrible."

"Battle is always terrible, no matter who wins." Mizuki said quietly, "But at least Jashin won't be back anytime soon. I hope."

Not long after

Naraku Akira approached the modest home of Naraku Jin and his wife, Keiko. Jin met him at the door, smiling, "It's been a long time, Akira. Have you finally moved back here to paradise?"

Akira smiled, "No. We're just taking some friends to visit the old village. We brought Zaku, you remember, we adopted him."

Jin's featured hardened slightly, "Yes, I heard. He worked for that_ Snake_, didn't he?"

Akira tried to ignore that, "We saw _Kidoumaru_ . . ."

Jin scowled, "Don't mention _that_ name here."

"He's _changed_, Jin. He's a good kid now, a good man. He has an honest job, he's an instructor . . ."

"It changes nothing."

"He's saved a lot of lives."

"And he's _taken_ a lot of lives as well." Keiko said, from somewhere inside, "A few good deeds can't wash that away . . ."

Akira shivered in the cool mountain air, "He still loves you. He carries a picture of you . . ."

Jin snarled, "If that . . . _Boy_ has any ideas of coming back, being forgiven, he's wasting his time. We have no son, and _he_ will _not_ set foot in our home again."

Akira clenched his teeth, "He died! Then he came back and changed his life! He's not the same person! He's a great kid, a kind kid!"

"He's not _our_ kid. Now leave my property."

"How many times does he have to_ die_ to pay for his mistakes?! What does he have to do for you to forgive him?!"

"To never have been born."

Akira had to restrain himself from attacking the man, "You're right, he's not your son. You can't get an _apple_ from _weeds_. He's better off without you."

Jin grunted something unintelligible and slammed the door.

Akira no longer felt the chill in the air, only a hot rage.

To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 4

Tsunade shook her head, "Obito, You know I love you, but you can't just go around defacing public property . . ."

"Obito didn't deface it, Obito painted it!"

Tsunade rubbed her eyes tiredly, "But the Hokage tower isn't yours to paint!"

"If it's public property, then Obito owns it too, right?"

Tsunade reached for a bottle of Sake, "I'm beginning to understand Deidara, God help me . . ."

...

"I take it the visit didn't go well . . ."

Akira shook his head, "Those self-righteous, filthy . . ."

Tomoe sighed, "_Why_?"

"They don't even want to know what good he's done, they don't care if he's reformed, they don't care if he's canonized as a_ Saint_! They don't have any room in their cold, dead hearts to forgive their_ own_ child!"

Tomoe sat down sadly, "I . . . We, the way we treated Eiichiro . .. Do you think . . ."

Akira sat next to her, "No. We don't hate him, I wish to God he'd have been able to see what he was doing and stop. But . . ."

"How can they be so cruel?"

Akira put his head in his hands "You know how they are, in there minds Kidoumaru disgraced them and the Naraku name. No matter what he does, they'll always have that attached to them, and they can't forgive him for that. They value their reputation more than they value their child."

Eiji stood jut outside the doorway, listening. _They're the disgrace to our family name, abandoning their own kid. Kidoumaru still loves them, what's he going to do if . . . We have to tell him, so that he doesn't try to come and find out for himself. How in God's Name to you tell a guy his_ parents_ hate him?_

_..._

Kidoumaru stretched out lazily on the grass, "So, Babe, what would you think if I dressed like Sai?"

Sakura laughed, "I'd rather you dress like Akamaru."

"But Akamaru_ doesn't_ _wear_. . . OH,,,!" He laughed, "Mmmmm, you are a pervert, aren't you? I'm _underage_, remember?"

Sakura pouted, "Every day!"

He sat up on his back elbows, "I still don't know how I'll tell everyone that my birthday is in December, _not_ July, I'm gonna' look like a first-class fool."

"No, people will understand, I mean, you probably didn't have much time to remember those sorts of things in Otogakure. How old were you when you left, _six_? You can't be expected to know everything about your life before that!"

"I guess not." "Kidoumaru, I was wondering . . . About your parents . . ."

"My parents are Shikato-San and Yoshino-san. The _other_ two, they don't want me back."

Sakura put her hand over his, "How can you be . . ."

Kidoumaru frowned, "Look, they _hate_ me, alright? They aren't forgiving people, and I disgraced them by running off with Orochimaru. They'll _never_ forgive me, not even if I saved their lives. So please, I_ really_ don't want to talk about it."

Sakura looked at him sadly, "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"I know, I'm not mad at you, it's my _own_ fault. I _chose_ to become a monster."

"You were _six_ for God's sake! You couldn't have chosen what clothes to wear! How were you supposed to know? Your parents shouldn't judge you like that, you made a mistake, and you owned up to it. You turned your life around, and they don't care? They're the problem, not you!"

He stared off into space for a while, "When I told you, months ago, that I didn't know if my parents were alive or dead . . . _I lied._ I tried to write them, and they told me . . . That I should have _stayed dead_."

Sakura's jaw dropped, "My God . . ."

He started shaking, "I can't . . . Tell you what it feels like . . ."

For the first time since she'd met him, Kidoumaru started to cry. She pulled him against her, and he started sobbing.

...

"Go away, we don't want to talk with either of you!" Jin moved back into his shop, followed closely by Eiji and Zaku.

"You can't just treat your own son like that! You think he's bad? You're_ worse_! At least Kidoumaru is trying to change, you're still the same old pig you always were!"

Jin turned and slapped Eiji across the face, "I said, get _out_ of my work-shop!"

Zaku raised his palms, "Okay, you asked for it, you #!"

Zaku's voice was cold and filled with rage.

"Zaku, _NO_!"

But it was too late. A high-pitched vibration echoed through the workshop, shattering pottery left and right until everything was wrecked, "Nobody hits my brother, #!-face!"

Jin had fallen to his knees, covering his ears, and he now stood slowly, looking around wide-eyed and white-faced, shaking with terror. "Y-you'll pay for this, brat!"

"Make me, you son of a . . ."

"Zaku! I think we better leave now . . ."

Jin screamed in rage as the boys walked out of his workshop and back toward their family home.

Eiji put an arm around Zaku, "Hey, thanks."

Zaku shrugged, "Hey, _somebody's_ got to take care of you."

...

Sakon and Ukon waited inside the Hokage tower for their prey.

"Here she comes."

Sakon leaned forward and grinned at Shizune, "Hey baby, wanna' see my Cursed Seal?"

Tsunade started laughing wildly, "It looks like you have an admirer, Shizune!"

"Sorry, kid, I don't date_ children_."

Sakon huffed, "I'm not a kid, I'm sixteen!"

Ukon stirred, "Give it up, little brother. No girl's gonna' date _freaks_ like us."

Shizune shook her head, "It's not like that . . ."

"They're _playing_ you, Shizune. They want you to feel guilty so you'll go out with him." Tsunade warned.

The Twins stuck out there tongues at her, "Liar!"

"I'm telling you, these brats are up to something . . ."

...

"A pen! They dragged us all the way here for a pen!" Maki nodded absently as Yoshi whined. Dosu, Yoshi, Kara and Maki sat around a table in a small snack bar.

Dosu grinned, "Hey, Maki, your pants are on fire."

Maki nodded, "Yeah. I guess. Huh, _what_?"

"You weren't even listening!" Yoshi shouted.

"Well, if you'd quite _whining_ about the your crappy mission I might, jan!"

"What the Hell does _jan_ mean?!"

Kara laughed, "He doesn't know, he says it because Kankurou-San says it."

Maki huffed, "I do know!_ Tough_ guys say it, jan! It doesn't mean anything!"

"Alright, let's get to something else." Dosu said, "So, Maki, what made you admire Kankurou-San?"

Maki leaned back, "Well, I saw him fight once, when I was a kid. My parents took me to Sunagakure to visit my aunt, and I saw Kankurou-Sama practicing. He was so _cool_! I'd never seen a Ninja Puppeteer before, he was amazing! And the way he made Karasu move, he took a carved wooden puppet and made him _alive_! I wanted to be just like him, to be a puppeteer, jan." He paused, "My Chakra abilities are naturally _water_, I had to learn a new way to focus and direct my abilities, jan. It took years of training just to perfect my use of Chakra strings, a lot of people said I couldn't do it, but I did . . ."

Dosu shook his head in amazement, _This kid learned to use a whole new elemental Chakra so he could become a Ninja Puppeteer__! __How many people have the dedication, the sheer obsessive force of will to do something like that? Outside of Rock Lee, I've never heard of someone like that_!

"Wow, you really worked your #! Off, didn't you? There aren't many Ninja Puppeteers around, did you train yourself?"

"Yes. I studied every book, every scroll I could find, I watched films of great puppeteers in action, I made my puppets with my own hands . . ."

"If I had that kind of drive, I'd be _Hokage_ by now." Yoshi said in awe.

...

"I'm on to you . . ." Kakashi stared into the cat's eyes, "You're all alike . . ." Bang meowed, "Oh, don't play_ innocent_ with me! I know what you're up to, and I won't let you make a monkey out of me!"

"Meow?"

"A likely story!"

Suddenly the cat made it's move, jumping onto Kakashi's lap and rubbing up against him, purring.

"#! It all! _Noooooooooooo_!"

Bang settled down for a nap . . .

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 5

"That little_ murderer_ you took in destroyed my work shop! He could have killed me!"

Akira shook his head, "Yes, he _could_ have killed you, the fact that he _didn't_ shows how much self-control he has."

Jin turned red with anger, "I expect full compensation for damages, and I am pressing charges! That little monster should be in jail, not out here, threatening decent folks!"

"His criminal past is better than your 'decency', throwing your own kid away like trash." Akira glared at the man, "Speaking of pressing charges,_ you assaulted_ Eiji. I could take _you_ to court and let everyone see what a_ monster_ you really are. You think your reputation was damaged by Kidoumaru, when I'm done, your name will be lower than Orochimaru's!"

Jin's eyes widened, "You_ wouldn't_! He was intruding on my private property!"

"Maybe," Akira said calmly, "But I could still take it to court, win or lose, your dirty laundry would come out . . ."

Jin snarled, "Alright! But you _will_ pay me for damages!"

Akira sighed, "Zaku did act badly, I suppose. All right, I'll pay for the damages."

"If that little murderer comes near me again, he'll regret it!"

Akira laughed, "No, _you_ will. He's a '_murderer_', remember? If you attack him, he'll defend himself, and you'll _die_."

Jin turned and stomped off.

...

Akira walked back to Zaku's room, and found him distraught, pale and crying. "Zaku, what's wrong?"

Zaku looked up at him pleadingly, "Don't throw me back in the street! I'll be good, I swear!"

Akira was stunned, _He thinks we're going to throw him out over this?!_ "We're not going to throw you out, you're our son now, and we_ love_ you."

"But you have to . . . _Pay_ a lot to that guy because of me . . ."

Akira hugged him tightly, "That doesn't matter! We care about you, not about money or what stupid people like Jin say! We'll never throw you away like that, ever!" He kissed him on the top of the head, "You don't have to worry about that, you and Kin are just as much part of our family as Eiji, and even if you weren't, we still wouldn't throw a kid into the streets to starve."

...

Kankurou walked into the new veterinary office of Sunagakure, "How do you like the new digs, jan?"

Hana smiled, "It's nice. Though, I can't help wondering how many people actually have animals here."

Kankurou walked over and kissed her on the cheek, "They're here, you just don't see them out on the streets much, jan. Cats, dogs, birds, lizards . . ."

"Cute Kitties." She ran a hand across his chest, "Especially you."

The door opened and Gaara walked in, then stopped, "I'm sorry, were you being _intimate_?"

"No, no. We were just talking." She smiled, "A Kitty and a Tanuki! Business is picking up!"

...

Kidoumaru and Sakura were fascinated by the three approaching figures. Obito, Naruto and Nawaki were all wearing identical orange and blue outfits with big orange goggles.

"Why do I get this nervous feeling seeing you guys?" Kidoumaru laughed.

Obito grinned, "We're _Team Terrible!_ The biggest troublemakers in Konoha!"

"Dattebayo!"

Sakura giggled, "What about Suigetsu and The Twins?"

"Or Konohamaru and his friends?" Kidoumaru added.

"We were just going to pick Sasuke up at the training field, then get the others." Nawaki grinned, "We're gonna' have a lot of fun!"

"And get into a lot of _trouble_ . . ." Kidoumaru warned.

"Only if we get caught, dattebayo!"

They waved and watched the brightly colored trio walk off. "They seem to be enjoying themselves. With all of those pranksters together, Konoha is going to get exciting . . ."

"That's one way to put it, Babe."

Sakura leaned against him, "Are you going to be alright?"

Kidoumaru wrapped his arms around her, "Yeah. I feel a little better, getting it off my chest." He smiled, "Thanks for listening."

"You know, you could talk to your parents . . . The Naras, I mean, and Shikamaru, and me . . ."

He snuggled against her, "I know . . . I guess, I just . . . Didn't want to face it. I'm sorry for laying all this on you like that . . ."

"Don't be, you really need to talk about these things. It can cause serious mental harm to just . . . Keep it in like that."

He stroked her hair, "Mmmm, you're so good to me Babe . . . A healer like you is worth getting sick for . . ."

"I'm serious, though, you can't just keep . . ."

"I know. . . I know it's not that I'm weak or anything . . ."

Sakura shook her head, "Why do people think that only the weak suffer mentally?"

"Cause they're stupid. Like I was saying, maybe I can talk to that doctor Misuda. You said he's good, and the Creep Twins seem to be improving some."

Sakura smiled, "I'll make you an appointment."

Kidoumaru sighed, "Sakon, Ukon, Kimimaro, Zaku, did that Snake drive_ everyone_ around him insane?"

"He caused so much pain, I wouldn't doubt it."

He picked her up in his arms, "Okay, I'm tired of thinking of that stuff. Let's go suck face!"

"Oh God, you have been taking lessons from Zaku!" She smiled, "Let me down for a minute."

"Sure, Babe."

Sakura turned and picked Kidoumaru up in her arms, "Now _this_ is better!"

Sakon smiled across the table at Shizune, who looked uncomfortable, they were sitting in Kitsune no Kawaii, having banana splits.

"So, how long have you worked for Tsunade-Sama?"

"Five years." She answered quietly.

"So, is she really a Legendary Sucker?"

Shizune laughed at the question, "Yeah, she's the worst gambler in the world!"

Sakon and Ukon laughed, "Yeah, my ugly little brother is a sucker too."

"Shut up, Ukon! Sorry, Shizune-San, my brother's retarded and . . ."

"I am not!"

Shizune smiled, "So, how long can you two stay separated?"

"Not long enough!" They both answered simultaneously.

"See, Ukon here's so _weak_, he can't live without me."

"You may be stronger, but I'm the _smart_ one. Without me, you wouldn't know how to put on your shoes!"

TonTon suddenly jumped from Shizune's lap and onto the table, burying her snout in her banana split.

"TonTon!"

To be continued...


	6. Chapter 6

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 6

Mizuki took a deep breath and settled into the hot spring, looking forward to a relaxing rest in the steam-shrouded onsen, "I don't remember Tsunade-Sama having a brother."

Iruka shook his head, "That's because he's been _dead_ for about forty years. The Daimayo of Nami brought him back a few weeks ago and was holding him for ransom."

"And Itachi saved him?"

Iruka slid lower into the water and closed his eyes, "That's right, turns out he has some kind of conscience after all. Of course, he and Kisame also assassinated the Daimayo and took over Namikagure . . ."

"I heard about that part, everyone in Kusagakure is talking about it, but they didn't say anything about a kid."

Mizuki laughed, "You won't believe what Zaku said to me the other day. He said, 'So, when are you and Iruka gonna' come out of the closet?'! Can you believe that little Windbag?!"

Iruka's eyes shot open, "He thinks _we're_ . . ."

"Yeah."

"He's not the first, remember, 'Zuki? A lot of our students used to say the same thing. Like two single guys can't be close friends without being in love . . ."

"Speaking of love, how are Naruto and Hinata doing?"

Iruka laughed now, "Naruto told me that he _loves her more than ramen!_"

Mizuki nearly jumped out of the water, "More than ramen! I always thought he'd _marry_ a bowl of ramen someday!"

They both started laughing, "Yeah, so did I!"

"What about Shikamaru and that foul-mouthed girl?"

"She owns him! Or maybe he owns her, seeing as she carries him around all the time! She's the boss though, no doubt about that."

"I always knew Shikamaru would fall for a girl like his mother; strong, bossy and tough. I always figured_ Ino_ would drag him to the alter, kicking and screaming . . . ."

"And who ever thought Sakura would fall for an Oto-Nin. Of course, we only just met Kidoumaru a few months ago, but I always figured she'd spend the rest of her life chasing Sasuke. He's a good kid, though, a_ great_ kid. Did you hear about how he and Dosu fought off those Missing Nins that tried to kill their class?"

Mizuki's jaw dropped, "What?! Missing Nins did_ what_?!"

"Two Missing Nins from Kirigakure decided they wanted to have some fun by murdering a bunch of kids, and the made the mistake of attacking the class Kidoumaru was teaching. Kidoumaru went Cursed Seal on the first guy and called his spider summon to eat him, and Dosu blasted the other guy's head off."

Mizuki leaned over a bit, "Cowardly #!, I hope they suffered. Was anyone hurt?"

"Kidoumaru was hit by a kunai in the shoulder and took a poisoned senbon in the arm, we we're afraid he wasn't going to make it for a while there, but thanks to Tsunade-Sama and Sakura he pulled through. He actually helped save himself, he told Dosu to take one of the senbon, before he collapsed, so they could analyze the poison and find an antidote. He's a smart kid, so's Dosu."

"Zaku's a good kid, a bit wild, but a good kid. I remember the first time we met him, I'll never forget how he looked, like the whole world had died around him. He woke up almost every night screaming. Now he actually laughs and plays around and flirts with Kin. He's still got a lot of pain, but at least he's able to enjoy life now. And Kin, she's a great kid, when she was asked about which one of them to being adopt, she told them to adopt Zaku, because he needed the stability more."

Iruka took the towel from over his eyes, "Why not adopt_ both_ of them?"

Mizuki laughed, "Think about it, 'Ruka. If they're_ brother_ and _sister_, even by adoption, then having a relationship, much less getting_ married_, is out of the question!"

"Good point, 'Zuki."

...

"Eiji?"

Eiji rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed, "Zaku? What's wrong?"

Zaku stood in the doorway nervously, "I . . . I couldn't sleep," He said, clearly embarrassed, "Can I . . .?"

Eiji patted the bed beside him, "Sure."

Zaku slipped over and lay next to him, "I know it's stupid . . ."

"No, it's _not_, we all need other people in our lives. I was so alone after I left Eiichiro, you don't know how glad I was when Mizuki showed up. I don't know what I would have done without him. He says I saved him, but if I hadn't met Mizuki, I'd have been lost. And then, with you coming along, it finally felt like I had a _family_ again, ya' know?"

Zaku nodded silently, "When my parents died and I was on the streets, I used to cry myself to sleep. I was so hungry and lonely and nobody cared . . . The people in my village, they just looked at me like trash, like a rat scavenging in the garbage. . ."

"They were fools. You're worth more than all of them put together." He wrapped his arms around his brother, "You and Mizuki gave me something to care about, a reason beyond just surviving. And I won't let _anyone_ take you away."

"I know . . ."

Eiji remained awake a short while after Zaku fell asleep, looking at his face, _Don't worry about anything, you have us now, little brother._

_..._

Itachi walked into the Daimayo's office, 'Hey, Hoshigake . . ." He stopped, Kisame and Suki were . . ._ busy_. "SORRY!" Itachi ran out, covering his eyes, repeating, over and over, "Remember to knock!"

"Hey, 'Tachi! Shut the #! Door!" Kisame shouted behind him.

Itachi collided with Kakuzu a few hallways over, knocking them both over. "Uchiha! If I'm hurt, I'll _sue_ you!"

Itachi stood up and helped the mercenary to his feet, "I didn't know it was _possible_ to hurt you. Except by taking your money . . ."

"No, that's a good way for someone to get themselves _killed_ . . ."

...

Kidoumaru yawned and rubbed his eyes. "Morning, already?" He stood up, _Cold today . . . _ He took a hot shower, brushed his teeth, got dressed and walked downstairs. Shikamaru and Shikato were still sleeping, as usual, and Yoshino was in the kitchen, drinking hot tea.

"Hey, Kidoumaru, look out the window." Yoshino said happily.

Kidoumaru walked over and looked out, the yard was covered in a gleaming carpet of snow. "Beautiful sight, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but . . . I'm gonna' freeze my arms off."

Yoshino groaned and slapped her forehead, "Oh God! You need long sleeves! _Six_ long sleeves on each outfit!"

Kidoumaru smiled, "I'll rig something up, they do sell arm-warmers at the sports store. And don't feel bad, I didn't think anything about snow either."

Yoshino shook her head, "As soon as the stores open, I'll go down and buy you some arm-warmers! I can't send the lazies, they would probably come back with cheap pantie hose because they were too lazy to look!"

Kidoumaru laughed, "Alright, but only if you let me cook breakfast."

Yoshino smiled, "Deal!"

...

Obito drug Sasuke by the arm out into the freshly fallen snow, "Obito _loves_ snow!" He got on his knees and started making snowballs, "This is gonna' be _fun_, Sasuke!"

A few minutes later, Hatake Kakashi stepped outside, "First snow of the season. It's a bit early, but . . ."

_"ATTACK!"_

Kakashi was taken completely by surprise, blasted with a dozen snowballs before he had the chance to duck. Obito and Sasuke stood up and cheered, "Victory!"

Kakashi smiled, grabbed a handful of snow and the battle began.

...

"Akira!" Tomoe whispered, "Come take a look at this."

Akira followed his wife to the door of Eiji's room, "Look."

Akira looked in and smiled, Eiji was fast asleep, holding Zaku protectively. "He's a good boy, isn't he?"

"They both are." Akira closed the door softly, "I see what Eiichiro meant, we do have_ two_ sons to be proud of. I'm proud of_ him_, too, in a way. I just wish he could have realized what he was doing before he died."

Tomoe nodded sadly, "Maybe, one day, whatever power's in charge of that will _forgive_ him."

...

In Hell, Eiichiro smiled.

...

"So, say hi to everyone for me, jan." Maki shook Dosu's hand.

"Good seeing you again, Puppeteer."

"Now we have to go back into that muddy Hell!" Yoshi groaned.

"Quit whining, jan! Have you ever tried to work with _wooden_ puppets in a_ rainforest_?! Three words, _mold_ and _water damage_! I use a fortune in water repellent coating, jan!"

"Let's embark on our journey!" Guy smiled, blinding everyone nearby.

"Ack! You should put a warning on those teeth, jan!"

"Tell me about it!" Kara sighed, "They say if Guy-Sensei and Rock Lee were to _smile_ at someone at the same time, they'd burn the poor guy's eyes out!"

After saying their goodbyes, the group started out, with Guy singing again.

Dosu turned, "Oh yeah, Maki, don't trust Jiraiya-Sama! If you ever get a girlfriend, don't let him near her!"

...

"Oh, man! It's freezing! This is so troublesome!" Shikamaru shuddered, "I'm going back to bed!"

Kidoumaru shook his head, "Wimp."

"Whatever . . ."

There was a knock at the door, Kidoumaru went over and opened it. "Wow, _both_ of you . . ."

Tayuya pushed past Sakura and Kidoumaru, "Hey, lazy-#! There you are!" She walked over and jumped onto the couch and dragged Shikamaru over. "Hey, hottie . . ."

"She doesn't waste time, does she?" Sakura laughed, "Maybe I need to be more aggressive."

"Mmmmm, but I'm not Shikamaru."

"That's for #!_ Sure_!" Tayuya shouted, without looking away from her boyfriend.

Kidoumaru shut the door and took Sakura by the arm, "What's a pretty girl like you doing out on a cold day like this?"

She giggled, "Visiting the sexiest boy on earth."

Tayuya laughed, "Shikamaru's mine!"

Yoshino walked into the room, "We have guests! Good to see you, Tayuya, Sakura. Did you try on those clothes I bought you, Kido?"

"Yes mom. Nice and warm, thanks."

"Would you kids like some snacks? I have Dango, hot chocolate, all sorts of snacks."

Sakura bowed politely, "Yes, thank you, Yoshino-San."

"Tayuya?"

"I already have my snack right here . . ."

"Mom . . . Eh, a little_ help_ here . . ." Shikamaru waved desperately.

"Try not to hurt him too much, Tayuya."

"_MOM!_"

To be continued...


	7. Chapter 7

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 7

Sakura ran her fingers through Kidoumaru's hair, "So, I set up an appointment for you tomorrow afternoon at two."

"Thanks, Babe."

"Have you talked to your parents yet?"

"They already knew."

They were sitting beside a window in the back of the Nara home, watching the deer roaming the edge of the nearby forest, a few were actually straying into the yard. "They're glad I've finally decided to get help about it. I guess you're good for me Babe."

She laughed, "Of course, every man needs a good woman."

Sakura smiled, "Speaking of which, it may be cold outside, but Tayuya's certainly keeping Shikamaru warm . . ."

"Jealous?"

He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, sharing his warmth, "Mmmmmm . . . You feel good, Sakura."

She giggled, _And you're sexy!_ Inner Sakura shouted, _I could die happy right now!_ "There is one bad thing about winter, though."

"What's that?"

She snuggled closer, "You can't take your shirt and sun yourself . . ."

He chuckled, "I didn't know you were into topless sunbathing!"

"I was talking about _you_!"

...

"Kankurou-Sama."

Kankurou turned to see who had spoken, "Kotaro! You're back!" They shook hands, "I actually missed having you around, I've had to run and get my _own_ coffee, jan!"

They both laughed, "Yeah, I missed you, too. I also missed Suna . . ."

"_Why_?" Shiromaru yipped, "It's hot as Hell and drier than a year-old bone!"

"Because I was born here, I like it here. If you took a cactus and planted it in a rainforest, it would die."

Shiromaru laughed, "If you take a dog and put him in Sunagakure, he's gonna' be unhappy!"

Kankurou snorted, "We have dogs here, and they're quite happy, jan." He turned to Kotaro, "So, I guess old Yamamura-San didn't think he needed you, don't feel bad, he hates everyone younger than him, and, since _everyone_ is younger than him . . ."

Kotaro laughed, "Yeah. Everybody was really sorry to see you go, they still talk about you. You're very well-liked in Konoha."

"So are you."

Kotaro scratched his head, "I do have friends in Konoha, like Tayuya-San and the others, and I'll miss them, but it's good to be home . . ."

...

The group was out at a small restaurant for dinner, and Naraku Akiko had joined them.

"So, how do you kids like our little village?" Akiko asked cheerfully.

"It's very beautiful here," Mizuki said, "And most of the people here are very nice."

Akiko nodded, "Yes, but _not_ all." She said quietly, "What about you, Zaku? This is your clan's village too, now."

He smiled, "It's nice. It's a pretty place."

She reached over and pinched his cheek, making him blush. "You're so cute!"

Kin giggled, "I know. He has to make up for his _personality_ somehow."

"Oh, he's not_ bad_, are, you?" She turned and pinched Kin's cheek, "And you're _adorable_ too! And such nice hair!" She stroked Kin's hair, "You'll have to give me some tips, as you can see," She ran a hand through her own hair, which was curly with a touch of gray, "I never could get mine long like that."

Akira leaned forward, "So, have the trade council come into contact with the new Daimayo of Namigakure yet?"

Akiko shook her head, "Not yet, we're waiting to see if they can stabilize the government first. From what I hear, Kisame-Sama is not much for ostentation, and Itachi is an Uchiha, so he's probably an Emo or Goth or whatever you kids call them nowadays . . . However, I hear Kisame-Sama has a girlfriend, and women usually like fine merchandise."

Zaku grinned, "Not all Uchiha's are stuck-up creeps, you haven't met Uchiha _Obito_, he wears the brightest colors he can find and is always smiling."

Eiji smiled, "Obito is nothing like any Uchiha I've ever met, he's nice, humble and funny. I think maybe he was _adopted_! I wish you could meet him, he's really a great guy."

"I think I'd like to meet him one day." She turned to Kin, "That's a beautiful bracelet you're wearing."

"Zaku bought it for me, he also bought these." She pulled back her hair to show off her earrings, "He can be sweet, _sometimes_."

Zaku smirked, "It's hard to get Kin gifts, she's not that girly . . ."

"Yeah, I'm not girly like_ you_, Zaku."

"Hahahaha . . ." He groaned.

Eiji slung an arm around Zaku's shoulder, "Aw, you know you love him!" He ruffled the boy's hair, "_Everyone_ loves Zaku! Except for the people who don't love Zaku, and _they_ don't matter! Who needs 'em!" Everyone laughed.

"Well put, Eiji! And we all love Kin too . . ."

Eiji grinned, "Of course we do! _Especially_ Zaku!" He nudged Zaku, "Isn't that right, _Lady-Killer?_"

Zaku looked at him strangely, "Eiji, are you_ drunk_?"

"No! I'm high on the Youthful joys of family and life! Yosh!"

"Oh my God! He's_ possessed_ by _Rock Lee_!"

...

Sasuke set another bag of bottles down, "Will this work?"

Naruto laughed, "It will work! It'll be our _biggest_ prank _ever_!" He looked over to where Team Terrible were emptying bottles into the sprayer, "Hey, Suigetsu, how come you're not frozen into solid ice?"

Suigetsu grunted, "Body heat, I may be made of water, but it's _hot_ water!" He looked up and grinned, "A lot of_ girls_ could tell you that!"

Sasuke smiled, "Is _Karin_ one of them?"

"HELL NO!"

Nawaki walked over and picked up the next bag, "Where are Sakon and Ukon, anyway?"

Suigetsu laughed, "They're off charming Shizune-San! I wonder what the Hell she's thinking . . ."

Konohamaru adjusted the sprayer, "We'll have to find a way to make sure this doesn't freeze up before morning. Why do we have to do this at night again?"

"Because we don't want to get in trouble for getting this all over someone!"

...

As the sun rose, Tsunade looked around in disbelief, "This is original . . . You've really outdone yourselves this time, _Team Terrible!_"

...

Guy's team trudged through the snow on the road to Konoha.

"Hey, at least it's not raining . . ." Dosu pointed out.

"It's beautiful! Snow adds a dynamic look to everything! When we get back, I will have a Youthful snowball fight with Lee!"

"When I get back, I'm taking a long, hot bath." Kara moaned, "First mud and now snow, what's next?"

Dosu stopped and pointed at the snow-covered village, "_That_."

The entire village of Konohagakure was covered in deep, dyed-orange snow . . .

To be continued...


	8. Chapter 8

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 8

"A_ pen_? A #! Pen? They drug your #! All the way to #! _Ame_ to deliver a_ pen_?"

Dosu laughed, "But it's a _Lucky_ Pen! Apparently Jiraiya's working on a book about a Puppet that comes to life . . ."

Kidoumaru snorted, "He's been inspired by _Maki_, I take it."

"Yeah, speaking of Maki, he said to tell everybody hi. Did you know he had to change the way he used his Chakra in order to become a Puppeteer? He's naturally a _Water-Nin_."

"That's #! _Impossible_! Why would that #! Brat want to change how he #! Uses his #! Chakra, anyway?"

Kidoumaru leaned back, "Because he's _obsessed_. I guess it would be possible, with enough control and strong enough Chakra reserves, but it would be incredibly difficult."

Dosu shrugged, "He said he saw Kankurou-San practicing one day, and he thought it was the coolest thing he'd ever seen."

Ukon laughed, "I bet he's so jealous of Hana . . ."

Kidoumaru stretched, "He's a good kid, _crazy_, but a good kid. Speaking of romance, what's this I here about Sakon _dating_ Shizune-san?"

Sakon grinned, "Yeah, she's a fox!"

"She must be #! Blind to date a #! Freak like you!"

"I can't #! Believe any guy would be so #! Stupid as to date a violent little #! Like you!"

The resulting torrent of curses caused everyone in the Barbeque Rack to blush and cover their ears.

Jirobou covered his face in shame as the manager came over, only to be rebuffed by the incredible string of obscenities flowing from Tayuya and Ukon.

And then _it_ happened, Jirobou _snapped._

"_JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!_"

Everyone turned to look at Jirobou in shock.

"You are being rude and disturbing everyone in this restaurant! Show some respect! Do you want us to get thrown out and banned? I am so _sick_ of you two acting like animals wherever we go! So just shut up and let everybody eat in peace!"

The room was silent for a moment, then people started clapping . . .

...

Bang padded silently through the streets of Konoha, dodging pedestrians until he reached his accustomed spot, and she was waiting. "Hello, TonTon."

"How are the plans progressing?"

Bang hissed, "That Kakashi is on to me . . . He's not as stupid as he looks."

TonTon grunted, "Shizune-San has been so distracted lately, I've been able to put many of our plans into action. Soon, _we_ will rule Konoha, and the _humans_ will _serve us_!"

Hatake Kakashi awoke with a start, "I_ hate_ cats!"

"Meow." Bang jumped on the bed and snuggled against him.

"Why do you guys always go for the people that _don't_ like cats?"

"Meow!"

...

Zaku stretched out in his warm bed, it was nice to be out of the cold. He'd endured many cold nights as a child, but now he was with people who seemed to truly care for him. It wasn't like with the Snake, these people actually showed him_ true_ affection. He smiled, _A family . . . Never thought I'd have a family again._ He heard someone opening the door to his room and sat up, "Eiji?"

"I just wanted to check on you before I went to bed."

Zaku huffed, "I'm fine, I'm not a baby."

Eiji shrugged, "Still I. . ." He paused, "I'll see you in the morning."

As he turned to leaved, Zaku smiled, "Thanks, Eiji . . . You make a good big brother."

Eiji grinned, "And you make a great little . . . I mean _younger_ brother. Goodnight, Windbag."

"Goodnight, Spider-Boy." He smiled and pulled the blankets around himself, feeling good inside again.

...

Eiichiro walked over to the bound Sannin, he wore a pack and carried his Holy Scythe on his back.

"Hello, Snake. I just came to tell you I won't be able to torture you for a while, as I'm taking a walking tour of Hell. There's just so much to see, and we do have eternity. I've always been a wanderer."

Orochimaru spat in his face, "#! You!"

"Now is that any way to talk to a man of god? Oh well, you'll be one of the _first_ people I see when I get back." He smiled, "I'm sure the demons will take good care of you while I'm gone." He turned, then stopped, "Oh, and one last thing . . ." He closed his eyes and focused his mind intently, a few seconds later, Orochimaru screamed as his arms exploded. "Neat trick, huh?"

With that Eiichiro turned and walked away from the screaming, agonized Sannin, whistling a happy tune.

...

Kidoumaru searched his pockets, "It's in here somewhere . . ."

Sakura smiled, "It's not a wedding ring, is it?"

Kidoumaru shook his head, "No, sorry, Babe, I'm still too young for that It _is_ a ring, though . . . Ah, here it is!"

He pulled out a small box and opened it, revealing an elegant ring with the kanji for '_Love_' engraved on an emerald. "This means you're now a part of the _New Akatsuki_. Welcome to the team."

She smiled and took it, "It looks expensive!"

Kidoumaru shrugged, "You've got to use money for _something_, right? I never saw the point of guys like Kakuzu hoarding a fortune and never spending a dime."

"So, who else is in the New Akatsuki?"

Kidoumaru scratched the back of his head, "Well, I sent one to Zaku, it has the kanji for '_Wind'_ carved into it. I sent one to Kin too, with the kanji '_Bells_' on it, I gave one to Dosu, it reads '_Sound_', and Jirobou's says '_Strength_.' Shikamaru had a few made too, he made one for Tayuya, it says '_Flute_'"

"And what does your ring say?"

He held up his hand with the ring, "A Shogi piece, the '_King_'. It used to be Sasori's ring, but when he died Obito-Sempai got it, and he gave it to me. Shikamaru's ring, the one he took from Hidan, reads '_Three_'."

"Since Obito-San was possessed by Madara, the leader of Akatsuki, at the time, was there a hidden meaning in giving him a ring that read '_King_'?"

Kidoumaru shrugged, "I wouldn't doubt it."

Sakura hooked an arm around one of the boy's arms, "I think it needs a new name, _'New Akatsuki_' could have some bad connotations . . ."

...

Kankurou yawned and lay back in bed, "Hey, Hana, do you like it here, jan?"

Hana put an arm around him, "Of course, Kitty, it's different, but it's nice. And Suna has some beautiful sunsets." She grinned wolfishly and started running her hands down his body, "And it has you."

Kankurou yelped as her hands finally reached their goal, "_H-Hana . . ._"

"We _are_ married, after all."

"I-I'm just not . . . Used to being _touched_ like that . . ."

Hana laughed, "I should hope not! You're _my_ Kitty, and I'm not sharing you with anyone."

...

Kidoumaru stepped inside his house to find Shikamaru sprawled on the floor, with Tayuya sitting happily on his chest,.

"Yeah, that couch is a bit small, isn't it?"

Tayuya nodded, "Right." "Kidoumaru, a little _help_ here . . ."

Kidoumaru laughed, "I learned a long time ago never to get on Tayuya's bad side. Of course, I never could _find_ her good side."

"Stuff it, Spider-Butt!"

Shikamaru reached up and pulled Tayuya down, kissing her on the lips, "You are cute, Tayuya . . ."

Kidoumaru shook his head. _Tayuya was always scary, but romantic Tayuya is just sick!_

_..._

Sakon and Ukon stuck out their tongues at the furious interrogator, "What's the matter, jealous?"

Anko was fuming, "If you lay a hand on Shizune . . ."

"She's my girlfriend, not yours!" Sakon said, "And I'm not going to hurt her, _you_ maybe, but not her . . ."

"You two-headed freak-show! Give me an excuse to torture you to death!"

"Burn in Hell you ugly #!"

Anko was shaking with rage.

"I_ don't_ think she appreciated that, Ukon."

"Oh, but she did _understand_, Sakon. And it's _true_, after all."

Anko wanted to kill them, but Tsunade-Sama wouldn't be happy . . .

She turned and stomped off.

...

"Hey, look at mine, it says; '_Wind!_" Zaku held up his new ring, "And the stone's a Tiger's-Eye, nice . . ."

Kin looked at her ring, "It says '_Bells_' . . . What kind of stone do you think it is?"

Zaku looked at it closely, "Amethyst."

Eiji leaned forward, "I think he's right. Getting interested in_ geology_, are we? I guess Kankurou's gift had an unexpected side-effect."

Zaku grinned, "I never thought I'd ever say this, but _rocks are cool_!"

Tomoe laughed, "Kin, you may be in love with a future_ jeweler_."

Zaku put his head on her shoulder, "But she's the _best_ jewel of all."

Kin gasped, "That really was _romantic_ . . ."

"What does yours' say, Eiji?"

Eiji smiled, "It's onyx, and it reads '_Family_'."

To be continued...


	9. Chapter 9

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 9

"The New Akatsuki, huh? Does that mean Kidoumaru wants to take over the world?" Zaku laughed, "I hope we don't have to wear ridiculous cloaks! Whose idiot idea was that, anyway, how can you be a secret organization when you dress like clowns in public?"

Kin nodded, "A lot of things don't make sense, maybe Madara was the brain-damaged one."

They headed down the streets toward the park, laughing. Suddenly, Zaku stopped dead in his tracks, and his face twisted with rage.

"YOU!"

The man he was looking at turned, then paled, "_NO!_"

Zaku raised his palms and blasted the man into the wall of a nearby building.

"YOU_ #!_" He rushed over and began hitting the fallen man, "You _trash_! Remember how you used to_ beat_ me?! Now it's payback time!"

The man covered his face with his arms, "No, please!"

Zaku snarled, "How many times did _I_ beg _you_ for mercy?! And you _beat_ me _anyway_! I was just a _kid_ and you filth treated me like a dog!" The snow under the man began to turn red as Zaku mercilessly beat his former tormenter, "I was _starving_! You wouldn't give me _anything_, and when I stole food you_ beat_ me for it!"

"Zaku, stop!" Kin pulled him back, "This trash isn't worth getting in trouble over!"

Zaku pulled free, but he stopped beating the man, he just stood there, panting and glaring. "This trash was one of the dogs from my village who used to beat me! I was_ homeless_ and _starving_ and he _beat_ me for it!"

The man moaned and cowered against the wall, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"No, you're just sorry I _caught_ you!"

"Zaku, let it go."

Zaku turned to see Eiji behind him, as well as a large crowd of people, "You're right, he's trash and he _isn't_ sorry for what he did to you, I see only fear and hatred in his eyes, not remorse. But he isn't worth getting _arrested_ over. Scum like that get their punishment in full when they die. He can't hurt you any more, and you're too good to _defile_ your hands with that dirty blood."

Zaku stood there silently, shaking with rage and the cold air, "You're right, he's not worth the effort."

Eiji knelt over the man and began assessing his injuries, "You're not going to _heal_ him!"

Eiji shook his head, "No, I just want to make sure he'll_ live_. I don't want you imprisoned for_ murder_."

He studied the injuries, "Six broken ribs, a broken nose, several broken teeth, a fractured eye socket, both arms broken . . . He'll_ live._" He stood up and wiped his hands clean with fresh snow.

"You're a Healer, help me!"

Eiji turned, "You _beat_ an_ innocent child_ for being _hungry_ and _homeless_, and you expect _pity_? Sorry, I'm not _that_ nice . . ."

A group of medics rushed past and began treating the man's injuries, as the police turned their attentions to Zaku.

...

Several hours of explanations and a few bribes later, Zaku was released into his adoptive parents' custody.

"I know you have a lot of pain and rage, Zaku," Akira said, "But you have to learn to control your temper. I wasn't in your shoes, I don't know how it feels to be homeless and hungry and alone, beaten by worthless animals, so I can't judge you for what you did. But we have to help you control your temper better. If you had been alone, you probably would have killed that man."

Zaku hung his head, "This is the_ second_ time I've disgraced you. You've been so kind to me, and I've been a brat."

"You're not a bad kid, you're just . . . _Troubled_. You were treated like an animal by those filth in your village, and raised by a demon, it would be weird if you _didn't_ have any problems. Still, we can't have this keep happening. I'm going to talk to Doctor Daigoro in the morning, and we'll see about getting more help for your temper, alright?"

Zaku nodded, "Yes, sir."

Akira sighed, "You know In have to punish you for this, right?"

Zaku cringed at the word 'punishment', he'd been punished many times in the past, brutally so. _Please, not my arms! Break anything but my arms!_ He pleaded in his mind. _But I did wrong, I dishonored my new clan, I deserve to be punished._ He set his jaw, accepting of what was to come.

Akira shook his head, noticing the boy's change of demeanor, "I'm such an idiot! You probably think. . . Listen, I don't mean I'm going to _hurt_ you, I'm going to _ground_ you for two weeks. It's better for you not to be out on the streets for a few days, anyway, until things die down."

Zaku let out a sigh of relief, "Yes sir! Thank you . . ."

Akira put an arm around the boy, "Like I said, we'll never do anything intentionally to hurt you. You don't have to be afraid, you're safe now."

Zaku smiled, "I know."

To be continued . . .


	10. Chapter 10

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 10

"I don't believe it, dattebayo!"

"I already told you, Naruto, that doesn't make any sense." Kidoumaru smiled, "I thought it would fit to give you a ring engraved with the kanji for '_Dattebayo_!'.

Naruto admired his new ring, "So, what does the New Akatsuki do?"

Kidoumaru shrugged, "We defend the innocent, fight evil and generally do good."

"Sounds great! Who's the other ring for?" Kidoumaru laughed held out the other ring he was carrying, "Read the kanji and take a guess."

"It says . . . '_Youth!_' It's Lee!"

Kidoumaru grinned, "Dattebayo!"

...

"I know, how about '_The Brotherhood of the Rings_'?"

"How about the #! '_Sisterhood of Satan_'?" Tayuya said mockingly, "'Cause Pinky and I ain't your brothers!"

Kidoumaru moaned in frustration, finding a new name for The New Akatsuki was going to be difficult.

"What about _'The Order of the Phoenix_'?" Jirobou suggested.

Kidoumaru slammed his hand on the table, waking Shikamaru and making everyone else jump, "No _Harry Potter!_" He pulled himself together, "Sorry, Jirobou . . . I just don't like that brat."

Lee jumped to his feet, "I have it! '_Team Youth_!'"

Kidoumaru nodded, "Not bad."

"How about _'Sonic Youth_'?" Shikamaru suggested, "I mean, with you being Oto-Nin . . ."

Kidoumaru shook his head, "A nice name, but I think that's already the name of a band, and we don't want or need a copyright lawsuit."

...

The sound of shattering glass brought the scientist back into his laboratory, and what he saw sent him running back out in blind panic. The cloning tubes, the equipment, everything was being destroyed, but that was not the frightening thing. The destroyer was a tall, spectral figure with a hideous expression on its face.

The _Shinigami_ itself was taking action to preventing further attack against its authority as the god of death.

It set fire to the lab before taking its angry path of destruction to the Mizukage's palace in Amegakure. No one was around to see the terrifying creature as it arrived and took out its rage upon the laboratory, breaking and burning everything. A pair of guards rushed down the stairs to investigate, only to see a hideous specter standing amidst the flames, rage in its every feature.

Satisfied in its work, the Shinigami returned to its plane.

...

"Mizukage-Sama! The palace is on fire!"

A servant rushed into Konan's office, startling the Paper Ninja.

""A fire?" She shuddered, being a Paper-Nin made her especially afraid of fire, "Evacuate the building!" Konan rushed outside, The staff and villagers were standing in the streets, staring as the palace began to burn to the ground.

"You're alright! Thank God!" Jiraiya rushed over to Konan's side.

"I saw it!" A terrified guard rushed over to the Mizukage, "I saw it! It was horrible! A_ demon_! It set fire to the lab! I could see right through it!"

Jiraiya nodded thoughtfully, "The Shinigami. I was wondering how long it would allow these resurrections to continue."

The palace collapsed into itself, a flaming pile of wreckage.

"I hope everyone got out . . ."

...

Eiichiro sat on an outcropping of rock, looking down at an oily black river, waiting for the next condemned soul, so he could see it again. Soon enough, the demons came, dragging a struggling villain behind them. They threw him on the bank of the river, and waited. The liquid near the victim began to coalesce and change, a long, skinny arm and clawed hand formed from the substance and dragged the screaming soul towards a newly formed mouth, and devoured him. Eiichiro pulled out a pen and notebook, and began writing beside an elaborate sketch of the river.

_The Black Slime That Devours, It can form limbs of various types, including arms and tentacles, claws and hands to drag victims into itself. It then absorbs them into it's own mass._

He smiled, _I can't believe I'm mapping out Hell_. Since he'd left on his journey of exploration, he'd begun cataloging the sights and features, building a map. He wondered idly if anyone had done this before, surely the Oni would have mapped out their home. _Why do they choose to live in this place? Do they choose? Of course, the living world can be just as cruel as Hell, perhaps they like it better here._

Several miles down the banks of The Black Slime That Devours, he found it's source. A lake of oily blackness, it's surface covered with the disembodied screaming faces of it's victims._ The source is a lake covered in the tortured faces of those absorbed by the Slime. There must be hundreds of faces in this being. I wonder what crimes one has to commit to be condemned to this punishment? It is a fascinating creature, I would like to learn if it is intelligent. Can it communicate? But I don't dare approach it, I have no desire of being absorbed into that creature. I shall ask one of the Oni._

He began sketching the lake and it's surroundings.

To be continued . . .


	11. Chapter 11

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 11

Eiji nervously ran his fingers through his hair, it was a bad idea coming here, but if he hadn't come, Zaku and Kin would have went anyway, and they would be alone. He looked over at them, Zaku was staring mutely at the filthy skeleton in the cage before them, a look of utter sadness and betrayal on his face. Kin's eyes gleamed with hate, an understandable emotion on seeing the corpse of the demon who'd murdered them.

"I hope it was a_ slow_ death." Eiji said softly, "He deserved to suffer. Of course, the old Snake is in Hell now."

Zaku looked around at the deserted streets of what had once been Otogakure. It was night, and no one was visible nearby. "Kin, could you turn around for a minute?"

Kin looked at Zaku, "Why would I . . ."

Zaku blushed a little, "_Please_? And _no_ peeking."

"Oh, alright . . ." Kin turned her back to them and began watching the street. As soon as she turned, Zaku unzipped his pants and began to relieve himself on Orochimaru's remains.

"Zaku, are you . . . ?"

"Yeah. I filled up on cola just for this!"

Kin laughed. "I thought so."

Eiji smiled and respectfully looked up at the stars.

...

Itachi stood looking over the wreckage of the burned-out lab. The only witness to the cause of the conflagration had been taken to the mental hospital after being found cowering under a porch, mumbling about the Shinigami. Itachi happened to believe him, he'd seen a great deal of the 'impossible' and the supernatural over the past few years . . .

"Hey, 'Tachi," Kisame smiled, "Did you hear about our competition?"

Itachi looked at him in confusion, "Competition?"

Kisame laughed, "Remember Kidoumaru? Well, he has Obito's ring, and Shikamaru has Hidan's ring, so they decided to start their _own_ Akatsuki! They had a lot of new rings made up, and started picking members."

Itachi scratched his chin, "I take it they're _not_ after the Kyuubi?"

"No, they actually gave a ring to the Kyuubi Kid! He's on their team!"

Itachi smiled, "Figures. Is Sasuke a member?"

"Not that I know of."

...

Maki picked his way through the smoking debris of the Kage's Palace, helping look for anything salvageable. Most of what had survived was metal, now scrap metal. Everything else had been incinerated. Luckily, no one had died. Konan was upset, understandably, first her lover was killed, and now her palace was destroyed. He shook his head, it would take months to build a new palace, maybe even a year or more.

_What a mess . . ._

_..._

Kakashi looked at the package uncertainly, he knew what it was, thanks to the Sharingan, but he didn't know how Sasuke would react.

"Sasuke," He walked into the youngest Uchiha's room, "You have a package." He paused, "It's from Itachi."

Sasuke jumped up from his desk, "Itachi?"

Kakashi nodded, "Yeah, it's nothing dangerous. Do you want it?"

Sasuke nodded and took the package, then slowly opened it. It was a small box, and inside was Itachi's Akatsuki ring. It's Kanji '_Suzaku_'. There was also a note, and Sasuke picked it up numbly,

_I want you to have this, as you can probably put it to better use than I. I have so many things I wish I could say to you, but no words could ever atone for what I did. I know that Obito has told you the true reason for everything that has happened between us, but that does not change things, either. I do not blame you for hating me, as I hate myself as well, but I do love you, little brother._

_..._

"So, it is intelligent?" Eiichiro looked over at The Black Slime that Devours.

The Oni nodded, "If it wasn't, we wouldn't be able to get near it either. It knows who to eat, and who not to."

Eiichiro stroked his chin, "Where did it come from?"

"It was always here, at least, as far as I know. Would you like to try to talk to it?"

"Yes, I think I would like that . . ."

...

Kidoumaru examined the ring, "I didn't get you a ring for two reasons, _one_, I figured you wouldn't want one, and _two_, I ran out of money for this month. If you want in, that's fine with me." He handed the ring back to Sasuke, who slipped it on.

"So, what do we do?"

Kidoumaru laughed, "We wear rings, hang out and look cool! Seriously though, we help people. If we someone who needs help, then we do it."

Sasuke nodded, "The total opposite of Akatsuki. Who's the leader? _You_?"

Kidoumaru shrugged, "I guess. Welcome aboard, Bro!"

...

"So, where were you kids last night?"

"We went to Oto and mocked the Snake's corpse." Eiji replied without missing a beat, "It was getting a measure of closure."

Akira's eyebrow shot up, "You went to _Otogakure_!"

Zaku nodded, "And I _pissed_ on the creep's bones."

Akira's eyes widened, then he started laughing, "You . . . You actually . . ." He shook his head, trying to regain his composure. "I'm disappointed in you, Eiji. You're the mature one, they're your responsibility. If you kids had been hurt or captured . . ."

"But that's the only reason he came, so we wouldn't go alone!" Kin objected, and Zaku nodded.

"Still, you are my responsibility as the oldest." Eiji shrugged, "I thought it would make them feel better, to see that he is, truly, _dead_."

"I know, but you should have come to us, worked out something . . . At least nothing bad happened, but next time you kids have travel ideas, _ask _us first."

To be continued . . .


	12. Chapter 12

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 12

"I can't believe that _you're_ a feared ninja!" Shikamaru leaned against the doorway to the kitchen, smirking, as Kidoumaru was making dinner.

Kidoumaru grunted, "I can't believe you survived that battle with Tayuya long enough for Temari to save your sorry butt, a lazy guy like you would probably just lay down and let her kill him."

Shikamaru yawned and laced his fingers behind his head, "She got in some good shots."

Kidoumaru laughed, "I don't think she was_ really_ trying to kill you. From what I hear, you were the only brat who didn't have to be hospitalized!"

Shikamaru frowned, "I don't think that's funny. I was the only one on my team, the team I lead into danger, to get out without any kind of serious injury. If anything, I should have been hurt worst of all."

Kidoumaru stopped, "I'm sorry... At least your team_ survived._ You did a much better job than _I_ did . . ."

Shikamaru looked away, "It wasn't your fault, we got lucky, plus, we had help. Orochimaru left you guys on your own."

"It doesn't matter, we were trained to deal with a lot worse than a couple of Konoha Genin and one Chuunin. I don't know what the hell happened, especially after I died, but I keep looking back and seeing all sorts of mistakes leading up my fight with Neji. The biggest mistake, the thing that killed us all, was my _arrogance_. I thought we couldn't lose against a bunch of Konoha weaklings, I underestimated you guys, and we _all_ died because of it . . ."

Shikamaru shook his head and sat down, "It wasn't that, you had no way of knowing the Suna gang was going to show up, and apparently Kabuto didn't warn you guys of what we were capable of."

"That doesn't matter either, I dropped my guard. I _failed_ my team."

Shikamaru stood up, "You made a few mistakes, would it have changed anything for you to have done it differently? I doubt it. Even the best ninja get screwed by bad luck. You guys are all alive now, your making new lives for yourself. And you're helping them more than anyone else here. Plus, you're the one they all look up to. They see you succeed and they know it's possible."

Kidoumaru turned and checked the stew pot, "It's harder to forgive yourself than it is to forgive others, right, Shikamaru? We're each sitting here telling the other not to blame himself for what happened to our teams, and yet neither of us can stop dwelling on our _own_ mistakes. It would be funny if it wasn't so painful."

Shikamaru sighed and walked over to the stove, looking into the pot, "Have you told Dr. Misuda about this?"

"Yeah, he says I'm being too hard on myself." He started getting out bowls, "Hey, lazy, if it's not too troublesome, could you turn that down to 'simmer'? It's done."

Shikamaru laughed, "I hate to say this, I really hate to say this, but you _are_ a good cook!" He moved back to let Kidoumaru over, "So, who else have you added to our little team?"

Kidoumaru grinned, "Well, I have several people I want to give rings. I'd like to give one to Kai, but his parents would kill us both, I have one for Sousuke, it says '_Earth_', I sent one to Kankurou, it says, '_Puppet Master_', and I sent one to Maki that says '_Puppeteer_'. I'm thinking of something like '_One_' or maybe '_Twin_' for the Creep Twins, '_Artist_' for Sai, '_Bonzai_' or _'Tree'_ for Hiro . . .'

Shikamaru shook his head, "Is _everyone_ going to be in our group?"

"Maybe . . . But I don't have _that_ much money . . . What about you?"

"I made one for Chouji when he gets back from his mission, It says '_Friendship_'."

"That fits pretty well, doesn't it? He's probably the best friend you've ever had, outside of Asuma-San."

They were interrupted by a yawn and dragging footsteps, "Man, that smells good!" Shikato gravitated over to the pot, "Looks good too, you cook better than Yoshino!"

"I doubt it!" Kidoumaru said hurriedly.

"She's right _behind_ me, isn't she?"

"Yeah."

Yoshino kicked the lazy bum in the butt.

...

A long, black, slick neck rose from the oily river, a jet-black face forming at the end.

"I have been here since the beginning. This was my world before the Oni, before it was made into Hell."

Eiichiro bowed respectfully, "Does our presence bother you?"

"No. It provides me with such delicious meals." It laughed darkly, "You saw my little lake? You've seen me feed on the condemned? But I also feed on emotion, any emotion, but pain and anguish are the most exquisite." It's eyes narrowed slightly, "You have no pain, no sensation at all. It is _odd_ . . . But not unheard of, even among humans."

"What was this place before it was Hell?"

The Black Slime That Devours seemed to consider for a moment, "Just another plane, all but empty. I have spawned many times, entire races have sprung from this darkness, some types of Oni are my children. . . And then Shinigami came, looking for a home for the evil dead." It chuckled, "So we made an arrangement. I got the better bargain, for tolerating a few wretched, condemned souls, I am fed forever."

Eiichiro was fascinated,_ A being older than Hell itself . . . Perhaps I will stay here a little longer . . ._

_..._

Konan saw something odd from the corner of her eye, "Maki, what is that on your finger?"

Maki held out his hand, revealing a ring engraved with the kanji for '_Puppeteer_'. "Kidoumaru-San sent it to me. It's from his new group, jan."

Konan looked at her own ring, her Akatsuki ring, was engraved with the kanji for '_White_'. "What does he call this group?"

Maki hesitated for a moment, "He said he was going to change it, but for now, it's New Akatsuki."

Konan shook her head, "What is that boy thinking?"

Jiraiya walked up "He's probably thinking that since he and Shikamaru both have Akatsuki rings, and obviously wouldn't join the _real_ Akatsuki, they'll just make their own."

"He's crazy . . . Be careful who sees that ring, kid, I don't think everyone will appreciate the symbolism."

...

Eiji looked up at the sound of knocking at his bedroom door, "Come in."

Zaku and Kin stepped into the room, looking guilty. "I'm sorry we got you in trouble," Zaku said, looking at his feet, "I guess we were being selfish."

Eiji smiled, "Don't worry about it. I'm glad we were able to go, maybe it will help you some, being able to see that monster is really dead." He thought for a moment, "He won't be able to come back, you know. Not the way you were brought back, anyway. It doesn't work on those as evil as he is, the Shinigami wouldn't allow it. I'm surprised that Kakuzu was able to come back, I guess he isn't as evil as his reputation makes him out to be."

"I doubt they could even try to bring the Snake back now, I heard the labs were all destroyed."

Eiji looked up in curiosity, "The labs were destroyed?"

Kin leaned back against the wall, "The Mizukage's palace burnt down, and the lab in Namigakure went up too. You hadn't heard about it?"

"No, was anyone hurt?"

"I don't think so. Nobody's said anything about anyone getting hurt, but they said one guy lost his mind."

Zaku nodded, "They said some people saw the Shinigami itself trashing the place!"

Eiji shook his head, "They probably did see it, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. But I'm glad so many people got to have another chance."

Zaku laughed, "I did learn one thing from my past life, never call Chouji '_Fatty_'!"

Eiji yawned, "Oh, yeah. Zaku, remember, your grounding starts tomorrow. Don't worry, we'll probably all be stuck here with you."

To be continued . . .


	13. Chapter 13

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 13

Naruto stepped back to let Kidoumaru into his apartment, "Hey, Kit, how's it going?"

Naruto shrugged, "Same as always." He smiled, "Do you want some tea or coffee or hot chocolate?"

Kidoumaru grinned widely, "Tea or chocolate's fine, thanks. Last time I had coffee I didn't sleep for two days."

"Sit down, I'll fix it up for you."

"Hey, Naruto, I just came by to see how you're doing, I mean, I know you live alone and I thought you might want some company."

Naruto grinned widely, "Thanks. It does get boring be all alone sometimes, dattebayo."

Kidoumaru sat back on the couch and laced his fingers behind his head, "I was also wondering if you might want to eat dinner with us tonight. We'd be happy to have you."

Naruto handed him a mug of hot chocolate, "Is that all right with your family?"

"Of course!" Kidoumaru thought for a moment, _No, they couldn't have been a part of that trash that mistreated him . . . They're good people . . . And they didn't seem upset when I asked . . ._

"Are you alright, Kido?"

Kidoumaru shook his head, "Yeah, sorry, just distracted. So, what do you say?"

"I'd love to, dattebayo!"

"I'm ready when you are, just let me finish my drink."

Naruto rushed to get his coat, "I have to get dressed, this cold is a real killer . . ."

Kidoumaru gazed thoughtfully into his tea, _There are so many kind people in this village, yet, Naruto had to live in the streets, hated and mistreated . . . How do you reconcile that? Where were all the good people when he needed them? Other than Iruka, was there anyone who was kind to him?_ He shook his head again, "You don't have to worry about being cold long, we're having spicy beef, and you'll be sweating when we're done, I promise you that . . . You don't mind spicy food, do you?"

Naruto called from somewhere in the back, "I love spicy food, dattebayo!" He came out, grinning, wearing a thick orange jacket, cap and mittens.

"Oh man!" Kidoumaru shielded his eyes, "When that get-up reflects off the snow, the whole village will go up in flames!"

...

Obito and Rin sat before a warm fireplace, talking. Sasuke was upstairs, and Kakashi was so engrossed in his porn that he wouldn't notice if a meteor hit the house.

"So, Obito put the oil all over the floor, and waited. Hidan came in, and stepped right in! He slid across the room and crashed into the wall! He started using terrible language, worse than usual, and tried to killed Obito with his scythe, but he slipped and fell again as Obito ran away!"

Rin laughed, "You were the_ terror_ of Akatsuki, weren't you!?" She smiled, "There's one thing I don't understand, though, I'll understand if you don't want to answer questions about _him_, but why did Madara join the Akatsuki as Tobi, when he was already the _leader _of Akatsuki? Why become his own subordinate?"

Obito thought for a moment, 'Because he was an idiot. Seriously, though, he wanted to keep an eye on everyone and hide his identity as leader, so he made Pein the false leader and pretended to serve him, to throw off suspicion. He didn't trust anyone. People who can't be trusted usually don't trust others, because they know what _they_ would do in the others' situation"

Kakashi went to answer a knock at the door, then came back in, smiling, with Tsunade.

"Obito," She began, "An eye has just become available for transplant . . ."

...

"You know what you said before, about how everyone will respect you one day?"

Naruto nodded, "Yeah?"

Kidoumaru rubbed his gloved hands together, "It's _here_, man. Sure, there will always be a few idiots that don't appreciate you, but that just shows you're not trash like they are, everyone else can see what a great guy you are."

Naruto grinned, "Thanks. People seem to like you a lot more now, too."

Kidoumaru laughed and kicked at the snow, "What can I say? I'm a likable guy!"

Naruto laughed, "Ya' know, at first, I was pretty jealous, how Sakura fell for you like that . . . And a little worried, I mean, you did try to _kill_ us five years ago . . . But you make her happy, and you're a nice guy. I'm glad she ended up with you instead of someone else."

Kidoumaru sighed, "I can't believe it, ya' know. A girl like Sakura falling for a freak like me, I never thought it was possible. She's an incredible woman . . ."

"Yeah, she is. And you're not a freak. You're just a person who looks different than a lot of other people, that doesn't make you a freak, that makes you _unique_!"

Kidoumaru shook his head, "You have such a great view of the world, so . . . _Optimistic_. You'll make a great Hokage, I know it. Hey, here's the house, let's get out of this icebox!"

Kidoumaru ushered Naruto into the house, and laughed as the whiskered-ninja's nose twitched as he sniffed the spicy scent of food in the air.

"You are hungry, aren't you?!"

"Dattebayo!"

Yoshino stuck her smiling head out of the kitchen as the boys took off their coats, "Hello Naruto, that lazy husband of mine is late, but we can eat without him."

"The Troublesome Old Man is drunk again . . ." Shikamaru said as they took their seats and Yoshino began setting out the bowls of spicy beef.

"That smells great, Yoshino-San!"

"Why thank you, Naruto!" Yoshino smiled and sat down to dinner.

"Hey, where's _mine_?" Shikato walked into the room, blinking in the bright light.

"Get it yourself you lazy drunk! If you can get your own booze, you can feed yourself too! Do you realize what a terrible example your setting for our kids? And with _guests_ here, no less!"

Shikato shrank back and skulked out of the room . . .

...

"Well, it's time."

Tsunade smiled nervously at Obito, who was lying in a hospital bed, ready for the transplant. Rin leaned over and kissed him, "I'll be waiting for you."

Kakashi grinned and took his hand, "After this maybe you'll actually be able to see straight,_ Crybaby_."

"Stuff it, you big jerk!" Obito grinned.

Sasuke smiled at the exchange, "You really are a lot like Naruto, or he's a lot like you."

Obito nodded as they started to put anesthetic mask over his face, "Dattebayo . . ."

They stood by as he fell into sleep, and watched as he was wheeled away into the surgical area. Kakashi smiled, He'd offered Obito his eye back, but the stubborn Uchiha didn't want to take back his gift.

_'Now we both have one Sharingan, one regular eye'_, he'd said, _'Besides you big idiot, what would you do without it? You'd get slaughtered!'_

To be continued . . .


	14. Chapter 14

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 14

Kakashi paced nervously in the hospital waiting room, "I wonder what's taking them so long? You were a lot faster when you gave me his eye."

Rin shrugged, "That was a long time ago. Obito has a lot of old scarring in his eye socket, they probably have to remove some of it, the scar tissue, I mean."

They both turned eagerly as Tsunade walked out of the surgical room, "Everything went well, but he's still sedated. It will be a few minutes before he wakes up."

Kakashi grinned widely, "Can we see him now?"

"Once he wakes up."

...

Tomoe looked out the window at the falling snow, "Akira?"

"Yes?"

She took a deep breath, "Will that animal press charges?"

Akira smiled, "No. I did a little digging and found out he's wanted for robbery in Iwagakure. I pointed that out to the police, and they contacted Iwa. He'll have a hard time filing charges against Zaku from his jail cell."

She sighed, Akira had a _way_ of dealing with problems . . . "We got lucky this time."

Akira nodded gravely, Zaku was a good kid, but he had a bad temper and vengeful streak, not surprising after everything he'd been through. Still, it was _not_ helpful . . . "He'll get better at civilian life. He was trained for years to kill without mercy, so naturally his first response to the sight of an old enemy is to try to kill him. This is the second time, and both times he held back and spared their lives, even though he had reason to kill."

Tomoe smiled, "I know, I'm just afraid someone will drive him too far, and he'll end up in some awful cell somewhere . . . I don't want him to have to suffer anymore."

"Don't worry about Zak," Akira smiled, "He's a good kid, and he's smart enough to _dispose_ of the bodies."

"That's not funny!" Tomoe laughed despite herself "You're a _terrible_ person . . ."

Akira stepped over to the window and looked out, "We have to protect him from animals like that filth, so that he isn't put in such a situation again. And I have faith in him, he's doing everything to change . . . But it will be hard for him."

Tomoe kissed him softly, "He's a strong boy, he'll get through this . . . Especially now that he has a family to help him."

"I _will _do better." Zaku said softly, walking into the room, "I'll make you proud, I _swear_ it!"

Akira grinned and put an arm around him, "I know you will. And we're already proud of you . . ."

...

Kidoumaru listened intently to the news over the phone, "Really? Right now! Why didn't some . . . I'll be right there!" He hung up and turned to everyone, "Obito's getting a new eye! Has got one, actually, he's in recovery now! I'm going down to the hospital, anyone want to come with me?" He began to put on his jacket and arm-warmers.

"He probably doesn't need too much excitement right now, so soon after surgery," Yoshino said, "We'll go visit him in the morning. You kids can go if you want."

"I'm going, dattebayo!" Naruto jumped up and grabbed his coat and mittens, "What about you, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru stood up and moaned, "Alright. The cold is troublesome, but he is a friend . . ."

...

Sakura was waiting as they walked through the hospital doors, "Hey, Pretty Boy."

Kidoumaru grinned, "Hey, Babe. It's cold outside, but you're warming me up!" He grabbed her, pulled her close and kissed her passionately in front of everyone. "Mmmmmmm . . . Cherry . . ."

Sakura blushed deeply and straightened her hair. "WOW! I mean . . . W-well . . . Obito's awake and in room five, he'll be happy to see you . . ."

Kidoumaru could hear Naruto breathing heavily behind them,_ Maybe he's not completely over Sakura? I couldn't blame him . . . Of course,, as he trained under Kakashi-Sensei and Jiraiya the Super-Pervert, he's probably also a voyeur excited to see two people kissing . . ._ He found his eyes watching Sakura's rear as she walked ahead of them, _Oh man! Don't look, don't look . . . respect her body... Respect . . ._ He started scratching the back of his head and trying not to look, _Man that's a fine little . . ._

"Here he is." Sakura turned slightly, "Kidoumaru, are you alright, you look pale?"

"Y'yes, I was just . . . Uhm . . ." He rushed into the room, "Hey, Obito-Sempai!"

Sakura shook her head, "What's with him?" _He was staring at our butt!_ Inner Sakura giggled, _Hey, it's not like we don't look at his . . ._

_..._

Obito lay in his hospital bed, surrounded by friends. His formerly missing eye was bandaged, so they couldn't see what work had been done, it still needed a little time to heal before being used.

Obito grinned, "Kidoumaru! Obito is glad to see you!"

Kidoumaru leaned over him and examined his face, "I'm glad I could come. So, what color is the new eye? Did they tell you?"

"Black, just like Obito's old eye. But this eye won't have Sharingan . . . But who needs it? If an _idiot_ like Kakashi can make good with one Sharingan, so can Obito!"

Kakashi growled in mock anger, "Who are you calling an idiot, Cry Baby?" "You, idiot!"

Rin covered her face, laughing, "You guys never change, do you? It's just like when we were twelve!"

"Hey, you don't mess with perfection!"

To be continued . . .


	15. Chapter 15

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 15

Eiji walked into the house, carrying a medium-sized, hardcover book, and walked into the living room, where Zaku and Kin were sitting. "I found it. Are you sure you want to see this? I mean, you already have an idea what they looked like . . ."

Kin nodded, "Yeah, we want to see them."

Eiji sighed and handed Kin the book, which was book marked in two places. Zaku leaned forward as Kin opened to the first book mark. It was a picture of the Shodaime Hokage of Konohagakure.

"So, that's the guy . . ." Zaku shuddered slightly, when Orochimaru had sacrificed Zaku and Kin, it was too bring back to life, under his control, the Shodaime and Nidaime Hokages. Zaku examined the image of the man he'd been killed to resurrect. He was a thin-faced, dark-haired, handsome man wearing deep red armor. "Another victim of the Snake." He said quietly, "Poor dope was happily dead until that pig brought him back as a slave, and now he's trapped forever by the Shinigami . . ."

Zaku felt sorry for the man, for both men, after lifetimes of serving their village and decades of being dead, they had been brought back as mind-controlled enemies of Konoha and were condemned forever for Orochimaru's sins, not their own. It was a terrible thought. Kin slowly turned to the next book mark, the Nidaime. Tall, well-muscled and handsome, with a mane of snow white hair and blue facial tattoos, he was wearing deep-blue appearance gave the suggestion of cold and snow . . .

Kin sighed, "He doesn't look as much like his statue as the other guy." She said softly.

Eiji walked over and sat down between them, throwing his arms around their shoulders, "You know that neither of these men would have willingly participated in such a thing. The Jutsu was too powerful, they didn't have any choice. That's why such demonic acts are forbidden, they rob the living of life and the dead of peace."

"I know." Zaku spoke with a tired voice, "Like I said, they were just more victims."

Kin closed the book. "Thanks. I wanted to see this. We got off a lot easier than they did, life's funny like that, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess so. But I think you two needed a second chance more . . ."

...

It took a few minutes for Kidoumaru to find his lazy adoptive brother, Shikamaru was fast asleep on an empty hospital bed. Kidoumaru shook his head and lifted the sleeping ninja, slinging him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Shikamaru didn't bat an eyelid.

"You know," Kidoumaru said, "It would be _so_ easy for someone to _kidnap_ your lazy butt."

"We can only hope . . ." Kidoumaru turned his head slightly to see Sakura standing behind him, grinning. Kidoumaru grinned right back.

"Mmmm . . . Careful, you're so pretty someone might kidnap you."

"Oh really?" Kidoumaru set Shikamaru back on the bed.

"Yeah." He picked Sakura up and slung her over his shoulder, "So_ I'm_ kidnapping you first!"

Sakura laughed and grabbed his backside, "Now who has who?!"

Kidoumaru's eyes widened, then he grabbed her rear, "I have you, Babe!"

"No fair, you have more hands!"

"Them's the breaks, Babe." Kidoumaru grinned and set her back down, then kissed her on the lips, "Mmmmmm, my beautiful Cherry Blossom."

"Oh, my stomach, dattebayo!" Naruto stood in the doorway, looking disgusted, "Get a room!"

"We're in a room, you idiot!"

...

_I knew I'd have to suffer for the sake of my village, but this is just wrong!_ Kankurou moaned and leaned back in his chair.

"Is something wrong, Kankurou-San?" Kankurou looked over at Baki, who was on the verge of laughter.

"This work as a member of the council may not be exciting, but it is both necessary and worthwhile." Gaara leaned forward and smiled, "It bores me too. At least you don't come home to mountains of paperwork every day." The Kazekage sat up straight and began rifling through his papers, "Now, we were debating the merits of installing a train station and railway system linking Sunagakure and Konohagakure. It seems there are no objections? Alright, the plan is officially authorized by the Council of Sunagakure."

"I would like to make a proposition, jan." Kankurou leaned forward with this elbows on the stone table, "I think we should finally see about installing inter-village telephone lines. It would really speed up communications, and as we've seen in the past, every minute counts, jan."

Baki smiled, _Kankurou, being responsible?_ "I second the motion."

It was unanimous. Gaara stood, "Very well, I shall have a proposition drawn up, to see if it's feasible. I have no doubt it is, still, I must make sure we have the funds, not to mention permission from Tsunade-Sama. This meeting is adjourned."

Kankurou jumped to his feet and stretched like a big black cat._ Thank God! I'm free!_ He hurried to leave.

"Kankurou, wait." He turned to see what Gaara wanted.

"Yes?" "I was wondering where you got ring." Kankurou held up his hand to show his brother, "It was a gift from Kidoumaru. He's starting some club, and he sent me this, jan." Gaara squinted, "It says . . . _Puppetmaster_ . . ."

"Yeah. It's based on the Akatsuki rings, but has nothing to do with Akatsuki, jan . . ."

Gaara cocked his head, "Both Shikamaru and Kidoumaru have original Akatsuki rings, don't they?"

"Shikamaru has that crazy what's-his-face's ring, you know, the priest."

"Hidan?"

"Yeah, that's it! And Kidoumaru has the ring that used to belong to Sasori, then Obito got it as Tobi, and gave the ring to Kidoumaru after he left Akatsuki, jan . . ."

Gaara nodded, "What is he trying to do?" "I have no idea, jan."

...

Eiichiro watched in fascination as a disturbance formed on the surface of The Black Slime that Devours. The liquid took shape and consistency in the form of small, winged spider-like creatures, which then separated from the oily surface and flew away.

"More of your Spawn . . ."

"Yes. They are not all of such shape or size, some are smaller than the human eye can see, others are larger than the largest Oni."

Eiichiro began to write again.

"Would you like to know where my children are going?" The Slime bubbled with laughter, "That one you told me of, Orochimaru, was it? They will bite and sting him until he prays for oblivion, and I shall see it all through their eyes! I can show you, if you wish . . ."

Eiichiro began laughing as well, "I think I'd like that."

To be continued . . .


	16. Chapter 16

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 16

"Ooooooh Sasuuuuke . . ."

Sasuke froze, he'd forgotten that _She_ worked at the hospital.

"Karin . . ." He turned to run but it was too late.

She pushed him up against the wall, "You look good today, Sasuke, not that you don't always look good, you even look good as a bat!" Karin babbled mindlessly, "Why don't you wear that old outfit anymore? With the open shirt? That body's too_ beautiful_ to hide!"

Sasuke looked around desperately for an escape path. "Karin, I'm not . . ."

"Ooooh, poor Sasuke! Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah . . ." She picked him up and slung him over her shoulder. "I finally have you!"

She cackled, then walked away, carrying the helpless Uchiha . . .

...

Kidoumaru grinned and leaned against the wall, "Why don't I walk you home, Babe?"

"You can walk _me_ home! I don't want to get lost in the snow either, dattebayo!"

Kidoumaru laughed, "Yeah, you could get lost walking from your bed to your dresser!"

He turned to Sakura, "What do you say? We can walk _Whiskers_ there home, then I could take you home."

Sakura giggled, "What about Sleepy?" She pointed at Shikamaru, who was fast asleep on the bed.

"He'll sleep 'till morning. No need to bother him!"

Sakura laughed, "I guess _I _could walk _you_ home, I am the _mature adult _here, after all . . . But you better take The Amazing Lazy-Bones too, I don't want Yoshino-San to get mad at you."

Kidoumaru sighed and picked Shikamaru up, slinging him over his shoulder, "Alright, but call as soon as you get home, I don't want to spend the night checking snow banks for your body . . . It _is_ a nice body, and I like it _warm_ and _healthy_ . . ." He smirked at her, then turned to Naruto.

"Hey, Whiskers! How would you like to stay over tonight? We can play games and stuff."

Naruto grinned, "Okay, but I'm_ not_ kissing you, dattebayo!"

"In your dreams, Fox-Boy!"

...

Danzo was overjoyed, he wasn't much given to emotion, but this was a special occasion, he was finally free of that broken prison of a body! Free to walk and run and fight. Even his arm was healed! He ran, jumping for joy, through the dimly-lit caverns. Suddenly he came across a man, a dark-skinned man with six arms like that mongrel filth Kidoumaru, who was standing beside a singularly ugly river of what looked to be crude oil.

"Do you not know where you are?"

Danzo looked at him curiously, "What do you mean?"

"You're dead, this is Hell."

Danzo laughed, "Hell indeed! As if_ I_ would be placed in Hell!"

The man laughed in his face, a cruel laugh, "Your name is Danzo, isn't it? The founder of ROOT?"

Danzo's eyes narrowed, "How do you know about ROOT?!"

"I know many things. My name is Eiichiro, one of the Five High Priests of Jashin and a former member of Akatsuki." He nodded toward the river, "And this is The Black Slime That Devours."

"_Akatsuk_i!"

Danzo moved to attack but the man was too fast for him, he swept him up and hurled him into the river. Danzo screamed as he felt his body dissolving, the world went black, then his tortured head rose to the surface of the black lake.

"Well, Danzo, did you honestly believe a man like you would go to Heaven?" A mocking voice seemed to come from all around him, "Now you are forever a part of me!" He could still feel his body being eaten away, even though it had already been destroyed. He could only feel pain, hear the screams of those around him, and scream . . .

...

"Dead?" Sai could barely grasp the concept, he was no stranger to the idea of human mortality, but Danzo had been the most powerful force in his life, how such a force could finally die . . .

Suigetsu booed, "He didn't suffer enough!"

Tsunade shrugged, "That's not for us to decide, Suigetsu."

"He sure as Hell didn't care about deciding to play God with Sai and ROOT! Speaking of Hell," He grinned evilly, "I hope he's praying to be back in that useless body of his!"

"Who's dead?" Sakon walked into the room.

"Danzo-Sensei died last night." Sai said, smiling.

Sakon grinned, "Good! He was _worse_ than we ever were!"

Tsunade felt a bit sick, seeing such rejoicing at the death of a fellow human being, twisted and vile though he was. Of course, she had celebrated when Orochimaru went to Hell.

...

Naruto woke up stretched out in a strange bed, "What the Hell!"

He jumped up and looked around, he was in Kidoumaru's room, but the Spider-Nin was nowhere to be seen.

"Keep it down in there, I'm tryin' to sleep!" Shikamaru's voice came from the other side of the wall.

"You could sleep through a bombing raid, dattebayo!"

There was no reply, he probably either had fallen asleep again or decided it was too troublesome to bother talking to the Knuckle-Headed Ninja. He suddenly noticed Kidoumaru, asleep in the corner, clutching an old teddy bear, "Oh man! I wish I had a _camera_!"

Kidoumaru stirred and slowly opened his eyes. "Say one word, Whiskers, and I'll _kill_ you."

"Awwww! _The Itsy-Bitsy Spider_ with his widdle _teddy bear_!" Naruto suddenly found his mouth webbed shut . . . "Mmmmmmmm! Grrrrrmmmmrrrrr!"

Kidoumaru stood up and stretched, "Not a word about Bearington, alright?"

Naruto nodded urgently, he needed his mouth to eat ramen!

Kidoumaru pulled off the webbing, and Naruto rushed to the window, "Hey, everybody! Guess _what_ Kidoumaru _has_! A ted- " A foot in his backside shut him up. "Owww! You didn't have to do that, dattebayo!"

Kidoumaru smiled, "I know, but it felt _good_ . . ."

Naruto looked at the bed, "Sorry for taking your bed . . ."

Kidoumaru shook his head, "I invited you over, it's my responsibility to see you're comfortable. I could have taken the couch, anyway. I just wanted to make sure you didn't _steal_ my stuff or _wet_ my bed."

"I_ don't_ wet the bed, dattebayo!"

Kidoumaru laughed, "I noticed you_ didn't_ say, '_I don't steal_'!" He rubbed his hands together, "Now, I'm going to make breakfast!"

"YES! I'm starving, dattebayo!"

"You're _always_ starving, dattebayo!"

...

Kankurou and Hana walked into his family's home, and found Temari and Gaara preparing for breakfast.

"Hey. We wanted to invite you over for dinner tonight, jan. We don't get to spend enough time together."

Temari grinned evilly, "Only if she lets you wear clothes while we're there, I don't want to see you naked!"

Hana started giggling, Kankurou blushed and Gaara looked around in confusion.

"What have you been telling them about me, Kitty?" Kankurou shook his head, "She thinks a lot of weird things about us, jan."

Gaara smiled, "I think it would be an excellent idea to eat together. We are a _family_, after all."

Both Kankurou and Temari smiled broadly, five years ago Gaara had said that he did not consider them his family and would kill them without thought, now . . . He was actually beginning to feel _real_ affection for his siblings.

"Yeah, we're a family." Kankurou put an arm around his brother, an act that would have been suicide in the past, "And we need to look out for each other, jan."

To be continued . . .


	17. Chapter 17

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 17

The snow had been replaced by a biting sleet, and suddenly Zaku didn't see being grounded as such a bad thing, he certainly didn't want to be out in that kind of weather, he'd experienced enough of it while house was warm and dry, and he felt a bit guilty, being in such comfort when who knows how many other kids weren't so lucky.

"It sure is ugly out there." Kin moved beside him.

"Yeah, it is. How did we get so lucky? There are a lot of people better than us . . ." He paused and caught himself, "I mean better than _me!_"

Kin nodded, "I know what you mean. It's weird, having people treat us so well after everything that we've been through, and people caring, even though they know what kind of things we've done . . ."

Zaku thought for a moment of some of the things he'd done under Orochimaru's leadership, he'd taken a number of lives without mercy, and tried to take many more, including that girl who was now Kidoumaru's girlfriend. Worse, he and Dosu had, without hesitation, attempted to kill Kin, their own teammate, when that Yamanaka girl took over her body. He sighed, "I'm sorry about what we did to you, in the forest. I was a creep and I didn't care about anything but myself and pleasing that freak."

Kin smiled, "An_ Apology?!_ Are you sure you're_ really_ Abumi Zaku?" She laughed, "I don't blame you, I probably would have done the same thing to you, that's how we were trained remember? Win no matter what the cost . . ."

Zaku looked over his arms, he'd sacrificed his arms to avoid disgracing his master, and the #! Had killed him without a thought. "I was a real_ idiot_, wasn't I? I thought I was so much better than everyone else, but I was just another pawn."

Kin took his hand, "Only to_ him_, and he's worthless. To us you're a whole lot more . . ." She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Still, you _were_ a mean little creep."

He grinned, "Yeah, but I was an _adorable_ mean little creep."

...

"Tayuya," The kunoichi looked up from her scrolls at her elderly guardian, "You have a visitor." The old woman smiled. Tayuya nodded politely and walked into the living room. Shikamaru stood waiting, holding a bouquet of red roses.

"Shikamaru? You bought those for me?!"

He blushed slightly and held out the flowers, "Well, you are my girlfriend."

Tayuya took the bouquet, "They're very pretty . . . _Thanks._" They stood there awkwardly for a moment.

"You should probably put those in water, you know."

Tayuya laughed, "Of course I know that, dumb-#! I'll go put them up. I don't have to tell you to sit your lazy #! Down . . ."

Shikamaru smiled and sat on a nearby armchair. "So, would you like to go out, if it's not too troublesome."

"I was banned from the #! Barbecue place ya' know." Tayuya called from the kitchen.

"_Language_, Tayuya!" Came a voice from the back.

"Yes, ma'am."

Shikamaru laughed, it was odd that Tayuya of the Thousand Curses was trying to clean up her language. "What are you laughing at, you Lazy Punk?"

Shikamaru walked up to her and kissed her on the lips, "You're just so pretty to be using such language."

"Don't you start that_ lady-like_ #! Like that fat-#! Jiro-, Wait . . . _Pretty_?" She blushed a bit.

"I've told you you're pretty before, you know,_ beautiful_, even." She shook her head, "It's just so weird, being called 'pretty', everyone always treated me like a filthy -" She paused, "I guess my attitude didn't help, did it?"

"Like you said, you had to be strong in Otogakure. Luckily, I_ like_ strong women."

Tayuya smirked, "Luckily for you, I like lazy bums!" She fingered his Chuunin vest, "I hate this thing, it's bulky and hides your body, you might as well dress like that Puppet-Loving Suna-Freak." She smiled slyly, "I hear he has a nice body under that silly cat-suit."

"It's not a 'cat-suit', it's a traditional puppeteer's uniform. And yeah, I guess he has a good build, if you're into the muscular linebacker type."

"I'm into scrawny little Shadow-Users."

Shikamaru kissed her again, "Lucky me."

Tayuya lifted him off his feet, "Let's go get some grub, Lazy-Bones!"

...

Kankurou, Gaara, Hana and Temari sat around the dinner table, eating a nice little meal. Shiromaru sat by Hana's side, eating his share.

"I'm glad that Hana allowed you to wear clothing for the night, brother." Gaara said, out of the blue, and Temari and Hana broke out laughing.

"Oh God! Don't give her ideas! I already have to put up with all of his _screaming_ and _moaning_, I don't want to have to _look_ at his -" Shiromaru started, but the humiliated Kankurou shot him a killing glance. This, of course, only made them laugh harder . . .

Gaara looked concerned, "_Screaming?_ Is she _hurting_ you?"

Kankurou couldn't help but break a smile at Gaara's innocence, "_Not exactly._"

Temari tried to contain herself, but she managed to snort out, "I'll explain later, Gaara!"

"No you won't! This is all _your_ fault, jan! I'll get you for this Temari !"

"Oh please, like you could!" Temari replied, "I could take you any day!"

Hana was almost helpless with laughter, _This is just like my family, me and Kiba._ It was nice to see them so happy and behaving like a real family, after everything the Kazekage had put them through, all of their suffering, family bonds had won out.

To be continued . . .


	18. Chapter 18

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 18

It was odd, having a full spectrum of vision after almost two decades of living with only one eye. Uchiha Obito smiled as he took in the images from his new left eye. He closed his right eye and looked through the left. Rin giggled and stroked his cheek.

"It's a very good match. Is there any pain?"

"No, it feels weird though. Obito's optic nerves had to be repaired, that's what Tsunade-Sama said."

"I'll imagine, after all this time." Kakashi leaned against the wall, watching. For once, his _Icha Icha_ book was left forgotten in his pocket. "It looks good on you."

Obito looked in the small mirror again, having two eyes went a long way to repairing his face. True, the scars covering the right side of his face were still there, but having two eyes again made up for it in his mind. Still, one thing was bothering him.

"Whose eye was it?"

The room was silent for a moment, "One of our ninja was fatally injured during a mission, before he died he offered his organs for transplant. His name was Yamura Tohru."

"Yamura Tohru . . . Does he have any family?" Obito asked softly.

"Yes."

"I'll have to thank them, and try to comfort them."

Kakashi and Rin both smiled, not wanting to bother pointing out that he had used 'I' rather than 'Obito' again . . .

"Of course."

"I'd also like to visit his grave."

Kakashi nodded, "So would I, we'll go with you, once you're released. It should be any day now. We can't leave a _Cry Baby_ like you here to annoy the poor nurses . . ."

Obito laughed gently, "Yeah." he suddenly looked around, "Have you seen Sasuke? Obito hasn't seen him since last night!"

Kakashi shrugged, "I think that crazy girl kidnapped him."

...

"Would you like some more, Sasuke?" Karin asked sweetly.

"I'd like to leave." Sasuke said coldly. They were sitting around a small table in Karin's apartment, eating tomato soup. "Well, it's not like any other girl in this village is going to take an interest in you, after what you did."

Sasuke scowled, she was right, after all. Outside of Karin and Tayuya, all the girls he knew hated his guts. "I guess that's true . . ."

Karin shook her head, "I didn't mean to rub it in, it's just, you can be so . . . _Rude_ sometimes."

Sasuke smiled, "You can be pretty over aggressive. I mean, you've threatened to _rape_ me in my sleep!"

Karin smirked, "Can you blame me?"

...

In the Super Burger, the Oto-Nin sat around for their weekly meeting.

Dosu set down his drink, "Why didn't Madara just get him another eye before? I mean, if they could bring back the dead, they could probably perform an eye-transplant."

Kidoumaru shrugged, "Maybe he wasn't planning on staying in Obito's body as long as he did. Or maybe he was holding out for another Uchiha body."

Tayuya snorted, "Or maybe he was #! Moron!"

Jirobou stopped eating long enough to laugh, "For once I agree with Tayuya! I mean, how do you think you won't draw attention by walking around in red and black robes?!"

"Hey, they look better than those #! Purple #!-bows the Snake made us wear!" Ukon said, "If anyone ever doubts that Oro was evil, they should look at his #! Design skills! Only a demon could make outfits _that_ ugly, and then _make_ people _wear_ them!"

Even Kimimaro laughed at that, he'd really loosened up a bit during his time in Konoha. It was still hard for him, though, having been raised with a single-minded devotion to the detestable snake. "Yeah, his fashion sense was pretty bad . . ."

"BAD?!" Tayuya shouted, "It was a form of #! _Torture_!"

Sakon looked at his watch, "Got another hot date, Sakon?"

Ukon grinned, "Yeah, we're seeing Shizune-San in an hour or so. Poor, blind Shizune, falling for the ugly one . . ." "You're the ugly one, Pig-Breath."

"Butt-Faced Dog!"

"Butt-Ugly, Butt-Faced, Butt-Looking Butt!"

Tayuya laughed, "That was really #! Pathetic! You call that a #! Insult?!"

Sakon looked at Tayuya and grinned, "Okay. Ukon, you're a Tayuya-Faced #!"

Everyone started laughing, and Tayuya glared at the Twin, "Ha ha, you're a real comedian, ya' know that?"

Sakon leaned back and grinned, "I try."

...

"What are you doing here?" Eiichiro challenged the young man standing in front of him.

"They let me go free in exchange for aiding with their duties." Yakushi Kabuto smiled.

"You always could worm your way out of anything." Eiichiro shook his head in disbelief, "Have you met The Black Slime That Devours?" He grinned, even though he knew he couldn't feed the man to The Slime, as he was now in a freed state.

Kabuto shook his finger in Eiichiro's face, "Now, now. You don't want to get into any trouble, do you?" He laughed, "But that's why I'm here, I've been sent to study the creature."

"That 'creature' is older than time, you would do well to speak to it with _respect_."

Kabuto bowed slightly, "Of course."

Eiichiro shrugged, "I was going to move out soon anyway. I miss the sound of Orochimaru screaming in agony . . . But first I want to explore Hell."

"Even in Hell, great minds can find knowledge, eh, Priest?" Kabuto smirked, "And now that you mention it, the Old Snake's screams are pleasing to the ear . . ."

...

Tomoe stuck her head into Kin's room, "How would you like to get out of here for a while? We could have a girl's day out, just the two of us."

Kin smiled, "What would we do?" "Go shopping, gossip, watch cute boys . . . Just don't tell Akira about that last one!"

Kin laughed, "Sounds like fun!"

"Get your coat and whatever else you need and let's go!"

Kin grabbed her coat and gloves, "Oh, yeah! Don't tell Zaku about the cute boys either!"

"Hey, where are you girls going?" Akira asked, as they were walking out the door.

"Out!" They both shouted, then began giggling as stepped out. "Women! I'll never understand them . . ." He walked into the living room, where Eiji and Zaku were playing checkers. "Well, it looks like the girls have gone out. It's just us . . . What do you say we order pizza and pig out while they're gone?"

"Sounds good to me!" Zaku grinned.

"Careful," Eiji smiled, "Now that you're not training, you need to watch what you eat, you might get fat!"

Zaku grabbed him in a headlock, "I'll get enough exercise kicking your butt!"

Eiji picked him up, "Awwww, so _cuuuute_! He thinks he can beat me up!" He maneuvered Zaku so that his backside was facing up, then lightly smacked his bottom.

"Hey, let me go!" Eiji smacked him again, then set him down.

Zaku stuck out his tongue and crossed his arms, "Yeah, you _better_ let me down!"

Eiji smiled and ruffled his hair, "You're so cute!"

Zaku gave an exaggerated pout. "I'm _not_ cute!"

"He's right," Akira smiled, "He's not cute, he's _adorable_!" He pinched Zaku's cheek, "Now, what do you guys want on your pizza?"

Zaku grinned, "Anything, as long as it doesn't swim or have more than four legs!"

To be continued . . .


	19. Chapter 19

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 19

Team Seven was assembled at the edge of the training area, awaiting their next training assignment.

Sai gave a gentle smile at his female teammate, "Are you feeling alright, Hag? You haven't struck either Naruto or myself in some time."

Sakura shook her head, "Why, you _want_ me to beat you up?"

"He's right, dattebayo!" Naruto chimed in, "You've been a lot nicer since you started dating Kidoumaru!"

Yamato leaned back and looked over his students, "I guess love _can_ sooth a savage beast."

A snowball struck him full in the face, "I'm not going to take any crap from you guys!" Sakura growled, "I'm just trying not to act like Temari or Tayuya."

Naruto grinned, "So that's who Tayuya reminds me of, dattebayo!"

Within seconds he was face-down in the snow, a knee in his back.

"_What_ did you say, Whiskers?"

"You're_ nothing_ like Tayuya, dattebayo!"

She let him up.

"Still, Tayuya has changed since she came here, she's a lot more . . ._ Personable_." Sai noted, "She even seems to be trying to clean up her language."

"She's still perverted though."

...

"Good morning, Pup." Tsume looked up from her coffee, "You slept late this morning."

Kiba yawned and grabbed his cold breakfast off the stove, "I was just tired, I guess. Kurenai-Sensei ran us ragged last night."

Tsume grinned, "I would expect nothing less." She thought for a moment, "You haven't been having those dreams for a while."

Kiba grinned, "No. It's weird, you'd think having those two around would make the nightmares worse, but it hasn't. I guess it's 'cause I can see that they're just people like everyone else, and not that smart or talented either. Akamaru and I could take them easy now."

Tsume paused, "You've . . . _Forgiven_ them?"

"_Hell no!_ How could I forgive them for what they did? If they'd just hurt me, maybe, but what they did to Akamaru . . ."

Tsume nodded understandingly, "No matter how idiotic or weak they might seem, they're still dangerous, and I wouldn't want you to forget that."

"Don't worry mom, I won't."

...

"Hey, Fluffy!" Dosu turned as Kidoumaru rushed up behind him and slung a pair of arms over his shoulders, "How ya' doin'?"

"Fine. What's with you?"

Kidoumaru grinned, "I'm just my ordinary, wonderful self. How's life with the Yamanakas?"

Dosu smiled, "Good. It's strange, living with a good family in a nice house, going to school, it's almost like being a normal kid."

Kidoumaru stretched and laced his arms behind his head, "Yeah, it's weird, I know, being around people who care about you." He laughed, "They sure took a quick liking to you, did you hypnotize them or something?"

Dosu shook his head, "It's like a dream, they just saw me in the street and invited me to stay in their home. _Who_ does that? Who takes in a strange kid from an enemy village, especially one who nearly killed your daughter? Ino was there when we tried to kill Sasuke, I would have killed her without a thought, if we hadn't been driven off, but her family treats me like a long-lost son. Even Ino is kind to me!"

Kidoumaru nodded, "The people here are a lot kinder to us than I expected. I mean, there are a few trash characters around who hate us for being different, and some who just can't forgive what we or other Oto-Nin did to some of their friends and family. I can't blame them, a lot of people died in the invasion." He laughed, but there was no joy in it, "_Invasion_. It was a _distraction_, so we could snag Sasuke. It was all a big fake-out. But back to the topic, I think maybe it's because Oto and Oro are long gone, so we really have no more reason to fight. Besides, they know us now, as _people_, not just as enemy ninja."

"Plus they knew you before the rest of us came, they probably figured if you could fit in, so could we." Dosu observed.

"That's because I'm such loveable guy!" Kidoumaru did the 'Good Guy' pose.

"Yeah," Dosu said, "But that doesn't explain why they accept _Tayuya_!"

...

Zaku looked over the carnage he had wreaked and gave a cruel smirk. The village was in ruins, and the bodies of his tormentors lay lifeless in the streets.

"Very good, Zaku. _Very good_!" Orochimaru laughed and clapped, "See how much_ fun_ revenge can be? Did I not promise you_ power_?"

Zaku nodded, "Yes, Orochimaru-Sama."

His eyes were gleaming with power and rage. Orochimaru had brought him back to the village of his birth, to avenge himself on those who had beaten and despised him. And avenge he did . . .

"I'm not done _yet_, Orochimaru-Sama." He walked over to a man huddled against the wreckage of a small shop. The village baker, who'd never given him any food and had been the first and most frequent to beat him for stealing it.

"_Please_ . . . Zaku . . ."

Zaku's eyes were blazing with rage, "_I_ begged, _I_ begged for mercy, but _you_ didn't have any. You wouldn't _give_ me anything when I begged, and you_ beat_ me when I took it!" He raised his palms, "All I wanted was a little food, _scraps_ even! But you'd feed the _dogs_ before giving _me_ anything!"

The man was bone white and shaking, muttering pleas, "I . . . I'm sorry! I was wrong! Please, _don't_ kill me!"

Zaku laughed, and sliced the man's right arm off with his Zankuuha, "_No mercy_! It's payback time!"

Zaku slowly cut the man to pieces, as Orochimaru stood behind him, smiling in approval.

...

Zaku awoke and rubbed his eyes. He didn't know how to feel about his past, he regretted some of the killing, yes, but others, they deserved it.

_Was it wrong to take such vengeance? How do you atone for murder? _Many_ murders?_ He got out of bed and walked into the hallway, then into the kitchen, turned on the light and poured himself a glass of cold water. He sat at the table and began to drink his water in silence. It was about two in the morning, and everyone else was asleep. _You've been through Hell, Zaku. Maybe even literally, Eiji said we weren't in Hell, but how would he know?_ He sighed and looked up at the ceiling, _I wonder if they're in hell, those pigs . . . No, they were people, pigs don't treat each other as badly as people do. Is my dying _enough_? Have I_ paid_ for what I did? Or is there more?_ He stared at his glass for a moment, _He gave me power. _Why?_ Why did he train me and make me strong just to kill me? It wasn't my arms, if he hadn't intended to kill me at the exams, then he wouldn't have brought me. All three of us, Kin, Dosu and me, we were meant to die from the start. Why?_ He shuddered, _Was it because I was weak? No, he sacrificed Kimimaro too, in a way, and he was stronger than any of the rest of us. He wanted Sasuke, and he set us all up. He saw Sasuke as worth more than all of us, that's why. He didn't care about Sasuke, either, he just wanted an Uchiha body . . . But who gives a #! What _he_ wanted? He's dead, and he proved that he doesn't deserve my loyalty, or anyone else. I have a new life to live, and I'll do better this time, I know I will._

He finished his water and went back to bed.

To be continued . . .


	20. Chapter 20

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 20

People tended to consider Kidoumaru a likeable person, friendly, outgoing and energetic. But everyone around him also knew that he had one great flaw, a flaw that rested between his nose and his chin.

"Shut your #! Pie-hole, you idiot!"

Kidoumaru looked around in confusion, "What did I say?"

"You talk too #! Much!" Tayuya removed her hands from Shikamaru long enough to shake a fist at the Spider-Nin. "You're always running your #! Mouth!"

Kidoumaru shrugged, "It's not my fault I'm an extrovert and you're an antisocial, foul-mouthed kunoichi." He sighed loudly, "Don't worry, I'll be out of your red hair in a minute. As soon as my Babe comes I'm going out . . ."

As if in answer, someone knocked on the door.

"Deliverance!" Kidoumaru rushed over and pulled the door open, "Hey, _Sexy_!"

Chouji's eyes widened and his cheeks reddened, "Uh . . . Kidoumaru, I'm _not_ like that . . ."

Tayuya broke out in raucous laughter, and even Shikamaru snickered a bit. "Hey, Chouji, you're back! I thought you'd bought the potato chip factory!" Shikamaru walked past the stunned Kidoumaru and hugged his old friend, "C'mon in!"

"#! It all! I was just about to make my #! Move!" Tayuya shouted from the couch.

Kidoumaru turned slightly, "Chouji! Thank God! You just saved Shikamaru from a fate worse than death!"

He was out the door before Tayuya had even managed to stand up.

"Gotta' go!"

"Yeah, you better run!"

...

Kidoumaru ran a few houses down, then stopped at the sight of a certain pink-haired kunoichi.

"Babe!" He wrapped his arms around Sakura, "Mmmmmmm . . . You look delicious!"

Sakura giggled, "So you _are_ a cannibal . . ." She snuggled against him, "Or are you a kitty? You always purr when you're happy . . ."

"Mmmmmm . . . I'll purr more if you rub my belly . . . But first let's get out of this snow globe!" He grinned, "By the way, Chouji's back, safe and sound."

...

Chouji looked over his ring, "_Friendship_. Nice . . . Thanks, Shika!" His stomach growled, "Uhm, Shika, got any snacks?"

"Sure, in the kitchen. Knock yourself out."

"Take your time!" Tayuya shouted, "I want to enjoy _my_ snack!" She pounced on Shikamaru like a lioness taking down an antelope.

...

Zaku rushed outside and jumped into the snow, then howled at the cold.

_"Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"_

He fell back into the snow and grinned.

"You've lost your mind, haven't you?" Eiji asked.

"He never had one to lose." Kin replied.

"Ha ha ha! If I had to stay in that house anymore I _would_ go crazy!" Zaku bounced up and began shaking off the snow that had clung to his clothing and hair, then bent over to pick up some snow.

"Don't do it, Zaku . . . I have _six_ arms to throw with!"

Zaku got a crazy look in his eyes, smirked, and began flinging snowballs. Between Eiji and Kin, he was soon covered in a small hill of snow.

"That's #! Cold!" He pushed himself out of the snow.

"Watch your language!" Kin stuck a snowball in his mouth, and he retaliated by pulling her into the snow.

Eiji shook his head as the pair began wrestling in the cold stuff.

"_Young love!_"

They all turned to see Mizuki walking up, "So adorable!"

Zaku grinned, "Just like you and Iruka!"

A snowball hit him in the face, knocking him backward into the snow, "I'm not gay, Windbag!"

"Does _Iruka_ know that?"

Mizuki laughed despite himself, "He's not gay either, punk. Finally out on _parole_, Windbag?"

"Yeah," Zaku stood up and stretched, "I did my time, I'm free and clear!"

Mizuki smiled and ran his fingers through his hair, "I just came to invite all of you over to my apartment for dinner."

Eiji nodded, "I think we'd all be honored to go."

Zaku cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted, "Just don't let Eiji near the kitchen!"

"You little punk!" Eiji picked him up, flipped him over and gave him a swat.

"HEY! You really _like_ touchin' my _butt_, don't you?!" Zaku shouted.

"You mean that's not your _face_?" Eiji asked innocently, then smacked him again.

"Hey, Eiji, can I give it a try?" Kin walked over and grinned at Zaku, who was squirming upside down in the older boy's arms, "Sure, why not?" Kin giggled, "This really is your_ good side_, Zaku . . ."

Zaku grunted, "Very funny, now let me down! _YIPES!_"

"Kin, I meant you could _spank_ him, not _grope_ him!"

...

"How about some spicy beef for my Spicy Babe?" Kidoumaru smiled at Sakura, who blushed slightly, _Man! He has a way with words! _

Inner Sakura beamed, "That sounds fine . . ."

"And what would you like to drink, ma'am?" "Coffee, hot and black, just like Pretty Boy here . . ."

The waiter shuddered slightly, _Great, another pair of sappy young lovers, disgusting!_ He repressed a gag, "And you sir?"

_Go ahead, order the_ chicken legs_ and see how sweet she is then!_

"I'll have a cherry cola and a spicy beef plate."

The waiter nodded respectfully, "Alright, I'll be back shortly with your drinks . . ." He turned and hurried off toward the kitchen.

"_Cherry_ cola, huh?" She took hold of his hand.

"Cherry is my favorite flavor . . . _Hot and black_, eh?"

Sakura giggled, "Just the way I like it . . ."

He started nuzzling her neck, "Mmmmmm, you are the prettiest cherry blossom in the world . . ."

"And you're the cutest spider ever . . ."

_And I'm going to be sick!_

"Excuse me, your drinks are ready, your meals should be ready in a few minutes."

"Yeah, thanks." Kidoumaru said without looking up.

_There better be a #! Good tip in this for me!_

"So, what do you want to do after we eat?" "

We go someplace nice and warm, and we make it _warmer_ . . ."

To be continued . . .


	21. Chapter 21

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 21

Tayuya removed Shikamaru's hair tie, letting his hair fall loose around his shoulders, "So your hair isn't stuck that way . . ."

He smiled, "I bet you thought I was too lazy to style it . . ."

She kissed him on the mouth, "I don't care about that, as long as you're not too lazy for . . . _Other things . . ._"

Shikamaru laughed, "You don't beat around the bush, do you?"

She snuggled up against him, "Why do people play those #! Games? If you _want_ something, #!_ take_ it!" She shook her head, "#!, I'm cussing again!"

Shikamaru stroked her hair, "You know you don't have to change for me, except for the whole troublesome '_summoning demons to kill me_' thing. I like you just the way you are . . ."

Tayuya put her arms around him, "I guess I can live with your troublesome laziness, you Lazy-#! Hottie. Just wear those_ Man-Whore Shorts_ for me every once in awhile . . ."

"I thought you wanted me _naked_ . . ."

Tayuya sighed, "I do, but you're too much of a _prude_ for that._ Tease_."

...

Dosu looked up into the bright November sky, and closed his eyes, feeling the sunlight on his face. His_ whole_ face. For years, he'd felt the need to hide his damaged face and body from everyone around him, wrapping himself in bandages until only his right eye was visible. He smiled and inhaled deeply, rejoicing in the feeling of cold air on his face. He could almost believe that he was still dead, and this was Heaven, though he sincerely doubted he'd have ended up in Heaven after the things he'd done.

_Perhaps the gods are more merciful than I thought . . ._

He smiled, and looked around at the snow covered village with both eyes. He'd been born terribly disfigured, hunchbacked, one-eyed and with a face that looked as if it had been burnt in the womb, but now . . . Now he looked like any other fifteen year old boy. He'd even noticed some of the village girls looking at him! He still walked about in a crouch and stood half-erect, but that was more habit than spinal shape.

_Yes, they _are_ merciful, aren't they? Isn't all this a miracle?_

He stood straight and proud, ran a hand through his loose blonde hair and smiled for all the world to see. He jumped onto the nearest roof and began racing across the rooftops.

_I won't waste this chance I've been given!_

_..._

Zaku leaned back against Kin, "So, you like my butt, huh?"

Kin laughed loudly, "You are a real_ poet_, you know that?"

"Aw, you love me and you know it!"

Kin giggled, "Yeah, I guess so."

Eiji shook his head, "Okay you two, don't get _too_ excited . . ."

Zaku stuck out his tongue, "You're no fun, Eiji!"

"Neither's _pregnancy_."

Kin rolled her eyes, "We know, and we're not going to _jump_ each other out here on the street, either!"

Zaku blushed bright red, "And you call _me_ a pervert!"

Kin laughed at his discomfort, "You _are _a pervert, I'm just a _bigger_ pervert." She swatted him on the backside, "And I _do_ like your butt."

Eiji groaned, "We're here . . ."

They went into Mizuki's apartment building, Akira and Tomoe had left early to help out. Zaku and Kin rushed past Eiji and up the stairs.

"Kids these days . . . Was I _ever_ that young?" Eiji laughed, "I'm_ sixteen_, I have one year on them and I act like an old man!"

He rushed up the stairs after them.

...

Itachi and Kisame listened with interest as the scientist explained what he had seen a few weeks before in the labs. Now that he was rational again, he was able to give greater detail.

"And it didn't say anything?" Kisame asked.

"No, it just snarled and glared. It was like walking into a lion cage and seeing it turn on you."

"I guess this is an indication that Shinigami does not appreciate mortals _meddling_ into it's affairs." Itachi spoke softly, as usual, "We are very fortunate that it did not want _more_ than the equipment . . . If it had wanted to reclaim _us_, it would have done so before now. Thank you for this information, you may go now."

The scientist bowed and left the room.

...

"Kankurou-Sama!"

Kankurou froze, _It can't be . . ._ He turned, _Yep. Maki._ "Hi, Maki, what are you doin' here, jan?"

"I'm on a mission!" Maki ran up to the Puppetmaster, then bent over, panting in the heat, "You have to be tough to live in Suna, right, jan?"

Kankurou smiled, "Right. I certainly hope you're not on a _secre_t mission, jan, 'cause you just told the whole village!"

"Nah, just a regular mission, my team escorted some big-wig here, jan."

"Well, which one of you two is my husband?" Hana laughed and walked up the pair, "Maki, right? You're pretty cute."

Maki's cheeks reddened and his eyes widened like saucers, "T-thanks!"

"Watch it kid, I'm a jealous man and I_ know_ where you live, jan!" Kankurou smiled and pulled Maki's hood over his face. "I see you have another ring . . ." Kankurou held out his hand, showing the_ Puppetmaster _Kanji, and Maki held out his ring _Puppeteer_.

"One day I'll be a Puppetmaster two, jan!"

"Doesn't your team need you, jan?"

Maki grinned, "We finished the mission and had some free time, they're at the hotel and I came to see you, jan!"

...

Kidoumaru and Sakura walked hand in hand down the street toward the latter's home, it was beginning to get dark and cold by now. Kidoumaru grinned at the sight of a familiar face.

"Sasuke? I thought you were locked in some girl's closet somewhere . . ."

Sasuke shrugged, "_I was_."

Sakura frowned, "Who's the _unlucky_ girl?"

"Karin."

Kidoumaru grinned, "Karin? _Pervert_ Karin? You're lucky you got out _alive_!"

"Yeah, I guess. I have to get home, I'll see you later." As Sasuke walked away, Kidoumaru turned to Sakura, "Still can't forgive him, huh?"

"No."

He shook his head, "I was angry too, but it's dangerous to hold grudges like that, it can mess with your health _and_ your mind."

"I know." Sakura said softly, "But I can't seem to find it inside myself to forgive him. I know I _should_, I know it doesn't do any good to hate him, but I just can't seem to get over what he did."

"It's hard, Sakura, I know. I can't make you forgive him, or even tell you two do so. I just don't want it to eat you up." He stopped, "Here's your place. Shall I walk you to the door, Babe?"

She smiled, "Lead away."

They walked up to the home, arm in arm.

To be continued . . .


	22. Chapter 22

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 22

Eiji noted with interest that Zaku was reading a book entitled _Crystals, Gems and other Geological Wonders_. He started to say something, but decided not to interrupt the boy's reading. From what Kin had told him, and Zaku had freely admitted it as truth, the closest Zaku had ever come to a book in Otogakure was when he was summoned to Orochimaru's library to receive orders.

_He's smarter than people give him credit for, he's just uneducated,_ Eiji walked past Zaku, who was sitting on the couch in the living room, and down the hallway toward his room, _I hate snow, frozen rain, that's all it is._ He sighed and stepped into his room. He'd just sat on his bed when Zaku walked to the door.

"Can I come in?"

Eiji patted the bed beside him, "Sure. But if you're looking for advice about girls, you probably know more than I do."

Zaku laughed and sat next to him, "_Mizuki_ probably has better advice on women than you would."

"He's not gay, Windbag. What do you want?"

"I was just wondering if you wanted to play checkers or something. I never had a _brother_ before, and, well . . ."

Eiji smiled and ruffled the boy's hair, "Sure, I can't let my little brother down." He grinned, "But don't expect me to go _easy_ on you!"

Zaku rolled his eyes, "Kidoumaru got all the skill in the family, you can't play worth beans."

"What was that, brat?!"

"I said I can whip your tail at anything!"

"Then bring it on, punk!"

...

Eiichiro bowed respectfully before The Black Slime That Devours, "It has been an interesting time, my friend. Perhaps we shall meet again."

"Have no doubt of that, we are spending eternity together in this place, after all."

The Slime chuckled. Eiichiro turned to Kabuto, "I won't really miss _you_."

Kabuto laughed, "Likewise." He paused, "That book mark, the one in that copy of _The Prophecies of Aku_, is that . . ."

Eiichiro grinned, "You recognized it, eh?" He pulled out the large, heavy book bound in Orochimaru's skin, and opened it to the book marked page, and held up a long strip of leathered flesh, Orochimaru's tongue. "Pity it grew back."

He put it back away, and walked off, laughing.

...

"Hello, Kitty."

Kankurou cringed at Temari using his pet name, "What is it, Temari, jan."

"Remember how you used to be _jealous_ that Gaara was so much more popular than you?"

Kankurou sighed, "Yeah, I remember."

"Well, now that you have an obsessed stalker fan-boy, are you still jealous?"

"No. Maki is quite enough, jan." He chuckled, "Still, it is kinda' _flattering_, he's a good kid . . . Could be worse, I could have a _psychotic_ stalker fan-boy who wants to kill me and take my place, like you see in movies, jan."

Temari grinned, "Still, I'd watch my back if I were you . . ."

...

Kidoumaru grinned and put an arm around Shikamaru's shoulders, "So, I see Tayuya hasn't _killed_ you yet. That's good, she usually can't be around someone for this long without at _least_ crippling them . . ."

Shikamaru grunted, "She's not _that_ bad. She's actually kind of nice, in her own way."

Kidoumaru jumped over the couch and sat next to the lazy ninja, "I guess she can be . . . _Less_ horrible than usual. She _did_ bring Bearington back for me. Still, you're the first person I've ever seen her be_ nice_ to."

"Speaking of violent females, I'm surprised Sakura hasn't shown you her mean streak yet."

Kidoumaru leaned back and laced his hands behind his head, "I guess she does have a temper, but she's nothing compared to Tayuya. I think we_ both_ know what Tayuya can do when she gets mad."

"She hasn't done anything bad to me since that day in the forest. She says she's sorry about what happened, and I believe her."

Kidoumaru nodded, "The _scary_ thing is, I believe her too."

Shikamaru yawned, "So, what's it like being Sakura's six-armed sex symbol?"

Both boys jumped as the sound of an explosion ripped through the air, followed by another.

"What the Hell?!"

Rushing outside, Kidoumaru looked up and grinned as another set of fireworks exploded over Konoha, bathing the village in a rainbow of colors.

"Fireworks?" Shikamaru shaded his eyes, "But it's not a festival or a holiday."

Kidoumaru laughed, "Team Terrible strikes again!"

As he spoke, a massive ball of bright orange streaked through the sky and exploded.

...

Nawaki sat back on the Sandaime's carved head and grinned, "This was a great idea, Obito-San."

Obito grinned as Sakon and Ukon set off another salvo of spectacular color, "This is our biggest prank yet!"

Naruto slung an arm around the Uchiha, "You are a genius, dattebayo!"

Sasuke stepped out onto the Nidaime's head and looked down at the villagers who were rushing out to investigate. "Do you think they're enjoying the show?"

"I hope so, for our sakes," Sai sat down next to Sasuke, "My last prank involving the Hokage monument ended rather unpleasantly."

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Sakon shouted as another blast tore it's colorful way across the night sky.

To be continued . . .


	23. Chapter 23

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 23

Tayuya sat on Shikamaru's legs as he lay sprawled on the couch, forcing him to give her room, "You are so lazy!"

Shikamaru laughed, "It's in my genes."

"I'd like to see what else is in your _genes_ . . ." Tayuya said slyly.

Shikamaru pulled her close, "I'll_ bet_ you do . . ."

"Can you blame me?"

Shikamaru yawned and stretched, "I wouldn't know. I'm not into guys."

"Thank God for that!" She snuggled against his chest, "I am not losing you to a #!_ guy_!"

Shikamaru smiled, "You don't have to worry about that. Though I worry about some guy stealing _you_ away . . . When Kotaro first showed up, I thought I might have to fight him for you!"

Tayuya laughed, "That was business. If I hadn't helped him learn how to use our Genjutsu, he'd have been slaughtered at the exams."

"An act of mercy . . ." Shikamaru kissed her on the lips, "No matter how hard you try to hide it from everyone, you do have a_ heart_."

Tayuya smiled, "Just don't tell anybody, I don't want people to think I've gone #! _soft_!"

...

Kakashi opened the door to find Rin standing there, "Come on in. Obito's not here right now, he's probably out getting into trouble . . ."

"I know." Rin walked over and stood beside the fireplace, "That's why I came. Sasuke's gone too, right?"

Kakashi nodded. "I don't know if I can do it."

Kakashi cocked his head, "Do what?"

Rin sighed and sat on the floor, "Obito is a great person, but he has the mind of a _child_, I feel . . . _Guilty_, as if I was running after a _little boy_. Is that wrong?"

Kakashi sat beside her, "I know, his mind was damaged, he's a grown man, but he has the mind of a twelve year old boy. I . . . I honestly don't know _what_ to say, he is an adult, and he understands about love and sex, but I don't know if he's _mature_ enough to deal with ideas like that."

Rin wiped her eyes, "He loves me, he's always loved me, and I love him. But I've grown up and he_ hasn't_. It's not his fault, I know, but it makes things so . . . _Difficult_."

Kakashi nodded, "But you do love each other. I've heard of people in similar situations having successful lives together. Whatever you do is, in the end, up to you and Obito." He closed his eyes and sighed, "But if you can't go through with it, please, let him down_ gently_."

...

"This is so romantic!" Sakura hugged Kidoumaru, "It's nice to have a boyfriend who cooks . . ." Sakura looked over the meal-laden table, "It all looks so good!"

Kidoumaru grinned and kissed her on the cheek, "_Somebody_ had to cook for us back in Oto, Tayuya'd have poisoned us all, Jirobou would have eaten everything, Sakon and Ukon woulda' burned the place down . . ."

"A position of_ trust_, hm?"

Kidoumaru pulled out a chair for her to sit, then took his own seat, they were in Sakura's house, Kidoumaru had come by to give his love a romantic dinner date, something they couldn't have at the Nara house. "Yep! But this is a special meal for my Babe!"

Sakura sighed, "Every meal is special with you."

They ate and talked for a short time, occasionally kissing or making other romantic expressions. The food was great, Kidoumaru certainly knew his way around a kitchen.

"Kidoumaru? Are you alright, you're shaking."

Kidoumaru grinned, "I'm fine Babe, just _excited_." He reached shakily into his pocket and pulled out a small box, handing it sheepishly to Sakura. The kunoichi's eyes widened as she opened it.

It was a beautiful engagement ring.

"Sakura, I've been in love with you since the day we met, and you've really helped me change my life. I've been so _blessed_, coming back from the dead, coming to this wonderful place, having a family and friends . . . Meeting _you_." He took her hands "I want to spend the rest of my life with you . . . I know I'm young, and I know it will be a year or two before we can, but I want to marry you . . . If you'll have me . . ."

To be continued . . .


	24. Chapter 24

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 24

Sakura stared silently at the glittering ring, then looked into Kidoumaru's dark, hopeful eyes, and smiled.

_ "Yes."_

Kidoumaru jumped up and whooped loudly, then grabbed Sakura and hugged her tightly. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world!" He looked into her green eyes, "And you're the prettiest girl in the world."

Sakura blushed and giggled, too overwhelmed to say anything. Kidoumaru picked up the ring with his third left hand, and slipped it onto her finger. "See, it's emerald, just like your eyes . . ." He said softly, "But not nearly as beautiful."

Sakura wiped a tear from her eye, "Y-you're . . . Too much . . ."

Kidoumaru gave a cocky smile, "You can't have too much of a good thing, right Babe?" He sniffed slightly and ran a hand across his eyes.

...

At the Super Burger,

"Oh. My. God!" Ino pulled Sakura's hand over to get a better look at her ring, "I can't believe it!"

Tayuya snorted, "I guess he's not gay then . . . Just #! _Bi!_"

"You're just jealous Sakura picked him!"

Tayuya turned and growled at TenTen, "Stuff it, _Minnie_, before I stuff it for you!"

Ino released Sakura's hand and grinned, "Way to rob the cradle, Sakura. They'll _bust_ you for sure now!"

"Ha ha." Tayuya leaned over to look at the ring, "Not bad, but he could have sprung for #!_ Diamond_!"

Sakura shook her fist at the red-head, "It's symbolic of my green eyes you stupid brat!"

Tayuya pulled back, "Watch it, Pinky!"

She grinned, "So, how'd you _trap_ him? Are you _pregnant_ or something?"

"We haven't even done that, as if it's any of your business! And _he_ asked_ me!_"

"W-w-when's the wedding?" Hinata asked.

"We haven't made a date yet. He's still only_ fifteen_, after all."

"Fifteen? But his 16th birthday was months ago . . ."

Sakura blushed, "Well . . . He didn't want me tell anyone, but . . . He found out that his birthday is actually _December 14th_."

Tayuya broke out laughing, "What a #!_ Idiot!_ He doesn't even know his own #! Birthday!"

"I-I-I Think it_'s s-s-sad_." Hinata shook her head, "I-i-it must have been bad in Otogakure, to forget so much."

"He wasn't the _only_ #! Person in Oto! I was there too, ya' know!_ I_ #! Suffered too!"

"I-I-I-I'm s-s-s-sorry . . . I d-d-didn't mean . . ."

Tayuya grunted, "Oh, forget it!" She stood up, "I'm gonna' go find Shikamaru_ and_ . . ." She grinned wickedly, and walked off.

...

At the Barbecue Rack,

"I can't believe it." Sai shook his head, "Getting married to the _Hag_ of all people."

Kidoumaru puffed up a bit, "Sakura is _not_ a hag!" He sighed, "And it's not right away, maybe a year or two."

Naruto elbowed him in the ribs, "Why wait two years?!"

"Because I'm only _fifteen_."

Kiba spat out his drink, "_What?!_ I thought you were sixteen!"

"Hey, I didn't ask _you_ to marry me!" Everyone started laughing as Kiba began cursing. Kidoumaru blushed and scratched the back of his head, "Seriously, though, after we went to Zaku's birthday party, Akira looked it up, my birthday is actually on _December 14th_. I'd completely _forgotten_ my _own_ birthday."

"Yeah, how old were you when you came to Oto, anyway?" Ukon asked.

"I was six."

"Six!" Jirobou shouted, "You were_ six?!_"

"There's no age limit on being a killer, especially not in Oto, you should know that. I've heard that Kakashi-San was taking missions at_ seven_, and he's from Konoha!"

...

"Enemy within range!" Zaku whispered as he squinted over the trench wall, "Prepare ammunition."

Kin smiled, "Ammunition ready."

Zaku grinned devilishly, "Ready, aim, FIRE!"

They both jumped from their snowy trench and began pelting Eiji with snowballs.

"You brats!" Eiji ducked and picked up his own arsenal, firing back as the kids vanished behind their little wall, "I'll get you!"

"Yeah, right!" Zaku boldly jumped back up and resumed the attack, then ducked down to avoid the incoming volley. They began laughing, then a dark shadow fell over the trench as Eiji jumped over the barrier and on top of Zaku.

"I told you I'd get you!"

"The enemy has breached our defenses! Fire! Fire!"

Kin flung a snowball at Eiji's dark head as he stuffed a handful of snow in Zaku's spiky hair. He caught the ball and sent it right back, "Are you two ready to_ surrender_?"

"_Death before surrender_!" Zaku shouted as he tried to wrestle the older boy off of him.

"You're a _brave_ little warrior, aren't you? Well let's see how brave you are with snow down your pants!"

Zaku pushed back with a sudden burst of strength, "Hit 'im with everything ya' got, Kin! He's not gonna' take us alive!"

Eiji fell back in the wilting hail of icy projectiles, then jumped and picked up Zaku and Kin at the same time, "There are advantages to having six arms! Now the _Geneva Convention_ has rules for the treatment of prisoners of war, but _I_ don't!" He prepared to hurl them both into the snowbank, then stopped, "Are you ready to _beg_ for_ mercy_?"

Zaku laughed and Kin sneered.

"Death before dishonor!"

They both kicked in unison, knocking Eiji , and themselves, face-first into the snowbank. All three sat up and started laughing. "So, we beat your tail again, bro!"

"Hardly, we_ all_ bought it!"

Kin nodded, "Yeah, but we took ourselves out to get you, we won!"

Eiji shook the snow from his hair, "You little _kamikazes_ . . . Remind me never to get into a _real_ fight with Oto-Nin!"

Zaku grinned and gave a thumbs up, "The Best of the Best!"

To be continued . . .


	25. Chapter 25

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 25

"Engaged!" Obito threw an arm around Kidoumaru, unintentionally scratching at him with the bolts holding said arm together, "Sakura is a pretty girl! Obito is very happy for you!"

Kidoumaru smiled, "I was wondering, Sempai, I know it will be a while before the wedding, but I wanted to know, would you be one of my groomsmen?"

Obito smiled, "Yes! Obito would be happy to be a groomsman!"

Kakashi looked up from his book, "Sakura? I thought you only had eyes for _Chouji_?" Kidoumaru flipped him six birds as Kakashi laughed, "He'll be heart-broken!"

"That was an accident, you perverted prick!"

Kakashi shook his head, "And I thought you had better manners than that!"

Kidoumaru grinned, "You're thinking of Jirobou." He turned back to Obito, "You've helped me a lot since I came back. I really owe you, Sempai, you've been really kind."

Obito ruffled his hair, "And you helped Obito come_ home_. Obito owes you."

...

"_Engaged?!_" Tsunade shook her head at Sakura, "He's a fifteen-year old former enemy who's been here less than a year and he's already proposed?"

Nawaki grinned, "_Way to go_, Kidoumaru!"

"This from a kid who's barely out of _diapers_. You've been spending too much time with that pervert Konohamaru!" Tsunade scoffed, then motioned Sakura closer, "Are you sure about this? I trust him, I like him, but he's just so . . . _Young_ . . ."

Sakura nodded, "I know, that's why we're waiting."

"He's quite the charmer. I just want to make sure you two know exactly what you're doing."

"You're _jealous_, aren't you, sis? Chasing a kid fifty years younger than you!"

Tsunade shook her fist at Nawaki, "If you want to see the next fifty _seconds_, you'll get out of here!"

Nawaki fled, laughing. "Nawaki's a cute kid."

Sakura laughed. "Yeah, just don't get any_ ideas_, Cradle Robber!"

Sakura huffed, "_You're_ calling _me_ a 'Cradle Robber'?! I've seen _you_ staring at Kidoumaru's butt! He's_ fifteen_, you're sixty-something! All you Sannin are perverts!"

Tsunade turned bright red, "You . . . That was . . . That wasn't what it looked like!" She sighed and reached for a bottle of sake, "Still, he _is_ a very handsome boy . . ."

"Back off! He's mine!"

...

Kin knocked loudly on the door of Zaku's room, "Zaku!"

"_Don't_ come in, I'm _naked_!"

Kin grinned and rushed into the room. Zaku was sitting on his bed, fully dressed, reading. He pointed an accusing finger at Kin, "HA! I knew it! You _do_ want to see me naked!" He grinned, "Not that I blame you . . ." He touched a finger to his chest and made a hissing sound.

Kin laughed, "No fair,_ false advertising_!" She threw him a piece of paper, "Guess what? Kidoumaru just _proposed_ to Sakura."

Zaku's eyes widened, "Sakura! The pink-haired girl! Oh crap! And I tried to kill her! He's gonna' kill my #! For sure now!"

Kin smiled, "Don't worry, I'll protect you. Besides, if he was still angry about that, he'd have skinned your hide months ago . . ."

Zaku lay back onto the bed, "Yeah, I guess so. And she doesn't seem to be angry with me. I guess _no_ woman can resist me!"

"Hmph! No woman can help feeling sorry for such a pathetic little Windbag!"

"Hey!" Zaku glanced over the letter, "Oh. They're gonna' wait until he's older . . . His birthday's coming up on the 14th, isn't it?"

Kin nodded, "Yeah."

Zaku sat up and stretched, then pulled off his shirt.

"Trying to make me _laugh_?" Kin asked.

"You know you like it . . ." Zaku smirked. He stood up and wrapped his arms around her, "You can't resist me either . . ."

"I guess I just have a weakness for_ idiots_ . . ."

"Yeah . . . _Wait!_ I'm _not_ an idiot!"

Kin kissed him on the forehead, "No, but I like you anyway . . ."

"You're both too young for this!" Eiji stuck his head in the door.

"Yeah, yeah, _Granny_ . . ." Zaku turned, "Don't get your panties in a bunch."

Eiji shook his head, "Just keep yours _on_!"

"Hey! _I saved the world_! Don't I deserve a little_ fun_?!" Zaku shook his fist in mock anger as Eiji walked away.

...

The Kurokage of Otogakure, or the Land of Rice Patties, as it was now known once again, looked in disbelief over the records of the recent deeds of Orochimaru's resurrected former subordinates, particularly one Abumi Zaku. True, he knew the boy was both powerful and dangerous, he'd seen the bloody vengeance he'd wrecked upon his home village, but to _kill_ a _'god_' . . .

"It would appear we would run into a great deal of difficulty trying to bring any of these kids to trial," He said softly, "And it probably wouldn't be very just to have the Abumi boy punished for his past crimes after he's already died once _and _defeated a being who intended to slaughter most of humanity."

An adviser nodded, "And the Oto-Five have become very . . . _Popular_ in Konohagakure, especially Kidoumaru. If we attempted to claim any of them, it could be diplomatic suicide. We don't need another war. It would probably be wise to pardon the lot of them."

"Many of the people are still seeking vengeance for the suffering inflicted by Orochimaru and his servants," The Kurokage mused, "Some of these are small-fry, like the Tsuchi girl, they probably wouldn't even be noticed here, but others, like the Kaguya, are well known and widely feared and hated. Still," He folded his hands under his chin, "Pardons might be seen as a bridge to peace, offering forgiveness to our former tyrant's followers as a gesture of . . ." He struggled for the words.

"The_ benevolence_ of your new leadership?" The adviser offered. "Yes, so many people here were pressed into service by that demon, we need to bring them back into society, or risk a civil war between those who support us and those embittered former followers of the Snake." He sighed, "But we would have to be cautious not to bring any rabble rousers or Oto loyalists into the fold, we can't afford to be_ too_ generous. And it would be wise, if we are to pardon the Five, to do so quietly and give them a condition that they not return, for all of our sakes."

...

Rin laid a hand on Obito's shoulder, "Obito, can we talk?"

"Sure!" Obito grinned.

Rin led him into the empty kitchen of his home, and they sat at the table, "Obito," She took his hand, "How do you feel about . . . Our _relationship_?"

"It's nice." She sighed, "I was just . . . You know, you . . . You _haven't_ . . ."

Obito nodded, "Obito hasn't changed. Not up _here_," He tapped his head, "Obito knows. That . . . _Bothers_ you?"

"It just . . . I do love you, I just feel, it's hard to explain. It's like I'm older than you, and I feel like, like I'm taking advantage of you."

Obito smiled, "Trust me, I know _exactly_ what I'm doing . . ."

To be continued . . .


	26. Chapter 26

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 26

"Zaku! Kin!"

Akira's voice rang through the house, "I didn't do it! It was _Kin_! She ate the last piece of cake!"

Kin elbowed him, "Yeah, right, you little pig! You ate it all!"

Akira rushed into the living room, waving a sheet of paper, "You've been pardoned by Oto!"

"WHAT?!" They both cried in unison. He handed Kin the letter, as she was closer, "Apparently the government realized that there were too many former servants of Snake-Boy in Oto . . . _Whatever _it's called now to go after without starting a civil war . . ."

Zaku looked over Kin's shoulder, "Hey,_ my_ name's at the_ top_ of the list!"

Kin snorted, "That's because your name's _Abumi_, dummy, the list's in alphabetical order!"

Akira shook his head, "Still, it's probably not that good an idea to go back. Some people don't forgive that easily, there's probably still a lot of resentment toward members of the Snake's personal army."

Zaku turned to Kin, "You saw how scared that guy was when he saw me? The one from my old village?"

Kin nodded, "He certainly had good reason . . ."

"I think the point he's making is that he was both recognized and recognized as a_ threat_, even after almost six years. If he were to walk out into the streets in Oto . . . Err, Rice, everyone would know who he is and what he's done."

Zaku shrugged, "Yeah. I _save the world_ and people _still_ want to _kill_ me . . ."

Kin laughed, "Who'll save the world from your ego!"

Zaku smirked, despite the way he acted, he wasn't really arrogant, not anymore anyway. Orochimaru's betrayal had broken him. The therapy helped, and the meds, but it still hurt, it hurt badly. Eiji knew, which meant the parents knew . . . Kin knew too, probably, and she was suffering as well. He grinned again and yanked her long hair.

"OUCH! You little punk!" "What are you gonna' do, hit me with one of your bells?" He smirked, "Or maybe you could _spank_ me!" He bent over and began hitting his own backside tauntingly.

Akira shook his head, "Zaku . . ."

"OUCH!" Kin kicked Zaku in his backside, and Akira slapped his own forehead.

"Kids . . ."

...

Kidoumaru read over the list, though he and the rest of the five had been sent a message, through the Hokage, from the government of their former land. "You guys saw the provision, right? We still can't go _back_. I mean, Dosu, you could go back, but the six of us . . . I guess that's a _good_ thing."

Tayuya snorted, "Yeah, right." "Think about it, if we went back, even being pardoned, the people would still probably lynch us all . . . What the government says is one thing, but people don't always listen to the government, do they?"

Ukon laughed, "If they tried to lynch you, Sakura would destroy the whole country!"

Kidoumaru grinned, "Yeah, she's a tough one, my Babe."

"Yeah, I have to admit, she kicks #!" Tayuya smirked, "You know, nobody would recognize Dosu, not without those #! Bandages, as long as he keeps that #! Fur hidden."

Dosu cocked his head in that odd manner of his, "Probably, but I have no desire to go back. It never was much of a home, was it? This place is a lot better than Oto ever was."

"_Amen_ to that!"

...

Shikamaru lay back on his roof and smiled, _It's so peaceful, so quiet . . ._

"Hey, #! Lazy-#!"

Shikamaru grinned despite himself, "Hey, Troublesome Foul-Mouthed Woman."

Tayuya sat on Shikamaru's chest, "Did you hear the news?"

Shikamaru squirmed uncomfortably under her, "You mean the pardons? Yeah. It's a good idea, should help bring some peace to the land."

Tayuya slid her hands under his shirt, "You've never been to Otogakure, have you?"

"You mean not everyone in Oto is as sweet as you are?"

"Not even #! Close! Remember what I #! Told you?" She stretched out on top of him, and Shikamaru's eyes widened, "Tayuya . . ." "I said that a _nice_ #! Like you wouldn't last_ five #! Minutes_ in Otogakure. They'd _eat_ your #! _Alive_." She laughed, "Of course, I might just have to #! Do that too . . ."

Shikamaru blushed as he felt the warmth from Tayuya's body, "T-Tayuya . . . You're not about to _rape_ me, are you?"

Tayuya chuckled, "_Maybe._"

"I-I gotta' go!"

Shikamaru tried to get up, but Tayuya pushed him back down, "Down boy!"

Shikamaru pointed at the sky, "Hey, what's that?"

Tayuya snorted, "Nice try, Lazy-#!" She turned her head slightly, "Oh, that's just that #! freak _Deidara_. Forget about him." Deidara flew past, heading toward Konoha, and Tayuya grinned wickedly, "It'll take more than_ that_ to save your #!"

...

"Kidoumaru!"

Kidoumaru turned to see Neji approaching, "Oh, hey, Hyuuga. How 'ya doin'?"

"You were born on_ December 14th_?"

Kidoumaru shrugged, "Yeah, sorry about that . . ."

Neji glared at him, "I want the book back . . ."

"WHAT?!"

"Since it wasn't really your birthday when I gave you my present . . ." Neji laughed at Kidoumaru's expression, "I'm joking, you idiot."

Kidoumaru grinned widely, "Have you ever considered playing poker, you're almost as good as Sai at hiding your emotions."

Neji laughed, "Just don't expect me to buy you _another_ present!"

Kidoumaru shook his head, "I didn't want to tell anyone, but I had to explain why I have to wait to marry Sakura. I'm not going to ask anyone to give me anything this year. Now _next_ year at December 14th . . ."

Neji shrugged, "No party?"

Kidoumaru shook his head, "No party. I don't want to make everybody go to all the trouble because of my mistake. If we have anything, it will just be a little family thing. Or maybe I can have a romantic dinner with Sakura . . ."

Neji shook his head, "You're whipped. Whipped like a dog." He smiled, "I'm heading to the training field, I was going to spar with Dosu."

Kidoumaru grinned, "Look out, he's tough."

"We'll find out soon enough." He bowed slightly, "I must be going."

"Catch you later then." Kidoumaru walked on, whistling to himself . . .

...

_This kid's got skill . . ._ Kankurou dodged as Tenchi's fist swung inches from his face. The Puppet Master sent Karasu flying onto the angel puppet's back, where it wrapped it's arms around the other puppet's wings, sending it crashing to the ground. Maki retaliated instantly by sending Youkai to attack Kankurou, while Karasu was tangled with Tenchi, but Kankurou lept inside Sanshuo, evading the attack.

"CRAP!" Maki tried to run but Kuroari pulled him inside.

Kankurou smirked and jumped out of Sanshuo, then swaggered over to Kuroari, "Give up?"

"Not quite, jan." Kankurou spun around to see Maki dusting sand from his uniform.

"HOW!?" The Puppet Master groaned and opened Kuroari, and Maki stepped out, or, rather, Maki's new puppet stepped out. "Good job, Aku , jan."

Kankurou shook his head, "You didn't tell me about that puppet, jan."

Maki grinned, "Never reveal all your secrets, right?"

"Great session, kid, you have a lot of potential, jan."

Maki bowed excitedly, "Thank you, Kankurou-Sama!"

Maki was incredibly excited by his opportunity to spar with his idol. "Don't worry about it, I enjoyed it. You're pretty good, jan."

He slung an arm around Maki's shoulders, "The world needs more dedicated Ninja Puppeteers, jan."

...

Jirobou waved as Deidara landed his great clay bird, "Hey, Deidara-San!"

Deidara turned slightly, "Oh, it's you, un."

Jirobou nodded, "Sorry I left without telling you, but we couldn't risk getting caught."

Deidara grunted, "I would've left too, un. Don't worry about it."

"DEIDARA-SEMPAI!"

Deidara shuddered, "_Tobi_ . . ." He thought for a second, "I mean _Obito_ . . ." He braced himself as Obito crushed him in a hug, "Get off of me, you freak, un! I swear I'll blow you up!"

"Deidara-Sempai is so funny! Why did you come to Konoha? Did you come to_ visit_ Obito?"

"I warned you, un!" Deidara growled and reached for his explosive clay . . .

To be continued . . .


	27. Chapter 27

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 27

Kidoumaru's jaw dropped as he saw Shikamaru sneaking in.

"What happened to you?!"

Shikamaru's clothes were torn, his hair was a mess and his face was covered with . . ._ Lipstick_?

"Tayuya, she's very . . ."

"_Horny_?"

"Affectionate!"

Kidoumaru laughed, "_Sure . . ._"

Shikamaru wiped his face with his shirt, trying to get the lipstick off, "She's really a good person, deep down. She just had to act tough for so long . . ."

"Yeah, she's been through a lot." He started cleaning his fingernails with a kunai, then grinned, "You won't need to buy her a ring, Shikamaru, she's got _you_ wrapped around her finger!"

"Ha ha." Shikamaru made his way to his room, and fell into bed,

_Love is a troublesome thing . . ._

_..._

Maki turned and waved as his team exited Sunagakure, "Goodbye, Kankurou-Sama!"

"Goodbye, kid, don't get lost in desert or anything, jan!"

Temari elbowed her brother, "So, did Stalker Boy confess his undying love for you?"

"Shut up, Pervert."

"Make me, _Bitch_." Kankurou's eyes widened, "Don't call me that!"

Temari looked at him innocently, "What was that, _Kitty?_"

Gaara eyed them curiously, "I don't get it."

Kankurou blushed and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "You'll find out when you're_ older_, jan." He shaded his eyes and looked out over the newly lain railroad tracks, "I can't wait until the train lines are running, jan. It will bring a lot of trade, since foreign merchants won't have to travel across the desert to get their goods here." He turned to Gaara, "Who knows, might even bring _tourists_."

"God, I hope not!" Temari groaned, "A bunch of gawking, nosy people coming here, thinking we exist to entertain them. If I wanted to be bothered by_ tourists_, I'd live by the beach."

Kankurou ignored her, "Not to mention, our friends and family can visit without having to go through a lot of grief."

Temari imagined a train packed end to end with wild Inuzuka and broke out laughing, "In that case, they better install_ fire hydrants_ in the bathrooms!"

...

"What was I thinking?!"

Mizuki fell back onto his couch as Zaku and Kin flirted and bickered,_ Even Kiba wasn't this wild!_ Mizuki had been a teacher for years before being forced out in disgrace after trying to kill one of his own pupils, Uzumaki Naruto, wrongly heaping his hatred of the Kyuubi on it's innocent vessel. But that was the past, he was a new man. He'd agreed to 'babysit' Zaku and Kin, Zaku being like a younger brother to him, and both of them being friends, but he was beginning to wonder about his decision. These weren't like his old students, these were Oto-Nin, trained to be ruthless killers. Still, they were _only_ children, _right_?

"How does Eiji do it?"

Zaku laughed, "He nags like an old lady, he's always like . . ." Zaku tried to mimic Eiji's voice, "No kissing! No romantic stuff, and absolutely_ NO_ sex!"

Mizuki smiled, "Good advice, you're not mature enough for the consequences of that."

Zaku huffed and plopped down on the couch, "I'm plenty mature! Kidoumaru's fifteen and he's engaged!"

Mizuki sighed, "True, but he and Sakura are going to wait until he's older, he knows he's not ready for a family."

Zaku grinned, "You and Iruka don't have to worry about _that_, do you?"

"How many times do I have to tell you, we're NOT gay!"

Kin groaned, "Zaku,_ you_ sure have a _fascination_ with the idea of them being _gay_. It's makes me _wonder_ . . ."

Zaku turned bright red, "W-what are you saying?" He jumped up, "Are you saying _I'm . . ._"

Kin laughed, "You _did_ say you'd rather date Dosu than Tayuya . . ."

Zaku groaned, "I'd rather date a _cactus_ than Tayuya, and the cactus would probably agree with me!" Zaku's watch beeped, signaling time to take his medication. He went into the kitchen to get some water as Mizuki grinned, "Not bad, Kin. I should of thought of that." He sighed and turned slightly toward the kitchen, "I don't think he's really such a brat, he just tries to make himself seem more confident, and goes overboard. Typical teenage boy behavior."

Kin nodded, "I know. I don't mind, I tease him too."

"So I've seen . . ."

Zaku walked back into the room, "Are you talking about me behind my back?"

"You're a paranoid kid, you know that? You're_ right_, but you're still paranoid."

"Paranoia is just seein' the truth."

Zaku jumped onto the couch and propped his feet on the coffee table.

...

Deidara closed his eyes and tried to block out Obito's incessant chatting.

"And everything was orange! We dyed the whole town orange! Tsunade-Sama was so mad! You should have seen it! It was like _art!_"

"How was it 'like art', un?!"

"Deidara-Sempai always said art was a bang, only there for a minute, the next day, the snow started to melt and washed it all away!"

Deidara couldn't help but smile, _So, he did learn something . . ._

"All of Obito's pranks vanish, fireworks, colored snow, paint that washes off . . ."

"Fireworks, un?" "Yes, we set off a whole bunch of fireworks! You would have been so proud!"

Deidara couldn't help but chuckle, "We?"

"Team Terrible!"

"Team Terrible? It fits, un." Deidara thought for a moment of raiding Kakashi's fridge, but decided to wait, "Who else is on the team?"

"Naruto, Sasuke, Konohamaru, Sakon, Ukon, Nawaki, Suigetsu, Moegi and Ukon."

"You said _Ukon_ twice, un."

Obito scratched his head, "I meant _Udon_! He's weird, his nose is always running!"

"Nawaki . . . Isn't he the Hokage's brother? The one who was dead?" The conversation was actually becoming interesting for the artist.

"Yes! He was dead for forty years! But the Daimayo of the Land of Waves brought him back. But he was holding him hostage to try to get at Tsunade-Sama, but Itachi-San killed him and rescued Nawaki! Can you believe_ Itachi-San_ would do something like that?"

Deidara shook his head, "No."

"Itachi isn't like everyone thought, he really didn't want to do the things he did, but Madara . . ." Obito trailed off, Madara was still a sore subject for the Uchiha who had been forced to carry the monster's evil spirit for decades.

Deidara didn't press him. He found it hard to believe though, that his greatest enemy for so long actually had some humanity in him.

...

Sakura did a double take, "What the . . ."

Ahead of her, sitting together at the Ichi-Raki ramen stand, with their backs turned, were four black-haired, pineapple-headed figures. Two were wearing Chuunin vests, Shikamaru and Iruka, no doubt, one was wearing a deer pelt cloak, Shikato, making the one in a t-shirt and jeans . . .

"Kidoumaru!"

Everyone turned, and Kidoumaru grinned, "Hey, Babe. We were just having a meeting of_ The Pineapple-Headed Geniuses League_."

"I could barely tell you apart! I almost went over and _kissed_ Shikamaru, God help me!"

Shikamaru grunted loudly and went back to his meal.

"It's good to see you again, Iruka-Sensei," Sakura bowed politely to her former teacher, "I don't get to see you as much since I graduated."

"Thanks, it's good to know my students still remember me."

"What are you talking about, how could we forget? You're a great teacher." Sakura said, and Kidoumaru nodded.

"If not for you, who knows where Naruto would be now? You were the only person in town who actually helped him. Without you, he'd still be an outcast."

Iruka smiled, "I doubt that, Naruto's a great kid, people tend to like him once they get to know him."

"And who would've got to know him if you hadn't brought him to the school? And it's not just Naruto, you accepted _me_, gave me a chance. Not many people would do that."

Iruka blushed and ran a hand through his hair, "That's a teacher's job."

Sakura hooked an arm around her boyfriend's middle right arm, "And after all Mizuki did to you, you still forgave him."

"I couldn't just throw away a lifelong friend, especially when he's truly sorry for what he did."

Kidoumaru turned to Sakura and kissed her softly, "Want somethin' to eat, Babe? I'm buyin'?"

Sakura gave a predatory grin, "I think I'll just take_ you_ to go . . ."

"Don't let her get you _alone_ in the woods!" Shikamaru shouted.

Shikato laughed, "You mean like Tayuya got you?"

"_DAD!_"

"Don't _dad_ me! Look at the hickeys on Shikamaru here!"

Shikamaru muttered something that included the word 'troublesome' and turned back to the counter.

To be continued . . .


	28. Chapter 28

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 28

"He beat Sasuke? I believe it!"

Kidoumaru grinned and leaned back on Sakura's couch.

"He kicked his butt! Of course, I was upset, I was still in love with Sasuke at the time, or thought I was." Sakura sighed, "Boy was I wrong."

Kidoumaru looked up at the ceiling, "Did Lee ever fight Neji?"

"They sparred sometimes, Neji has natural talent and the Hyuuga Blood Limit, but Lee, well, you know Lee, he never gives up. Made things pretty interesting for poor TenTen, I bet."

Kidoumaru laughed, "Rock Lee and Naruto are the two most determined people I've ever met in my life. Well, Tayuya's determined to have her way with Shikamaru, but that's different . . ."

Now Sakura laughed, "And she was never interested in any boys in Oto?"

"You've seen what Oto guys were like, remember how Zaku treated you? Sure, he's nice_ now_, but back then . . . Of course, I wasn't exactly my charming self back then either, in battle at least . . ."

Sakura snuggled up against him, "What about when you weren't in battle? I bet you were the sweetest boy in Oto . . ."

"Guys aren't sweet! We're . . . Tough and manly and . . ."

"_Sweet_!"

Kidoumaru rolled his eyes and groaned, "Whatever. Anyway, I was a real monster!"

"Tayuya said you spent most of your time playing board games and tried to stay out of trouble."

Kidoumaru laughed, "If you go looking for trouble in Otogakure, you better have a coffin waiting, assuming there's enough of you left to bury. I wasn't afraid to die, but I wasn't in a hurry to get myself thrown out of the game, either." Kidoumaru looked at her suspiciously, "You've been talking to Tayuya, huh? Getting tips on seduction? Trust me, you don't need 'em."

Sakura laughed now, "I don't want to be that aggressive . . ."

He leaned forward and kissed her, "Thank God for that! I . . ." The sound of furious knocking rang out in the house, "Someone very impatient is at the door . . ."

Sakura sighed and opened to find an angry Tayuya standing there. She rudely barged past Sakura, "You six-armed #!"

Kidoumaru held up his hands, "What did I do?!"

"Because you and Fluffy decided to go to #! School, that Big-Boobed #! Expects _all_ of us to go!" She growled, "You are _not_ going to #! push me around in that #! class of yours!"

Kidoumaru rubbed his ears, "Believe me, I don't want you in my class any more than you do."

"Tayuya, this isn't his fault! Besides, school isn't such a bad thing, the teachers are nice . . ."

"I don't #! need any #! school!"

Kidoumaru grinned, "Did you forget that _Shikamaru_ teaches at the Academy?"

Tayuya paused for a moment, considering, "Hm . . . That's not _too _bad. But if you try to #! Lord it over me, I'll rip off your #! Balls and . . ."

Kidoumaru shrugged, "I get it . . . Oh, Tayuya, I've been meaning to ask, what exactly are your intentions with my brother?"

Tayuya smiled evilly, "Don't worry, I won't hurt him . . . _Much_"

...

Maki removed his hood and ran his fingers through his copper-colored hair.

"Do you have to do that?! The reflection from your hair is blinding me!" Yoko shouted, and Maki slid the hood back on.

"That's funny, my hair blinds you and your mouth deafens me, jan."

"Shut up, Doll-Boy!"

"Make me, Pig-Girl!"

The sun was rising brightly over the desert, and the chilling cold was being replaced by infernal heat.

"We camp here." Hidaki, the team leader said simply, and began setting up his tent.

"But we're almost there!"

"We move at night, when it's cool. If we try to cross the desert in the daytime, we'll probably die of heat stroke."

"I couldn't live in a place like Suna, I mean, there are no trees, no forests . . . No _water_." Kenji said softly.

"Kankurou-Sama said that they are planning on linking their train system to Amegakure, that would make travel a lot easier, jan."

"But it don't mean a thing _right now_." Yoko muttered. "Alright, all of you get some rest, you'll need the energy. I plan on reaching the forest before daylight tomorrow."

...

As Akira and Tomoe walked into Mizuki's apartment, they found Zaku fast asleep on the couch, snoring, Kin sleeping in the easy chair, and Mizuki smiling.

"I was afraid they had _eaten_ you by now." Akira joked, "What did you do, _drug_ them?"

"Even kids get sleepy, I didn't have to resort to knock out gas, not this time, anyway . . ."

"Well, we'll just take them off of your hands. Thanks again." Akira picked up Kin in one set of arms, and Zaku in another.

"Where's Eiji?"

"His shift hasn't ended yet at the hospital." Mizuki nodded, "Say hi to him for me." He stood up and ruffled Zaku's hair, the boy shifted a little, but remained asleep.

"Watch it, he might take your fingers off!"

Mizuki smiled, "Ah, he's a good kid. They both are."

Tomoe smiled, "I know. We just want to make sure they have better lives this time around . . ."

...

The next morning:

Maki had to restrain himself from hugging the nearest tree and kissing the wet ground.

"_Finally!_" Yoko said, "We're back in Ame!"

"Yeah, now you can finally take a _bath_, Pig-Girl, jan! You stink!"

"Like _you_ don't? That stupid black outfit makes you sweat like a pig!"

"This from the _Queen Pig_."

Yoko swung at him, but he dodged the blow and took shelter behind the bushes. Hidaki shook his head, "Stop bickering! You sound like you're already married!"

Both shot up at that.

"_Married_?! Like I'd marry _that_!"

"That's _disgusting_, jan!"

Kenji, true to his nature, remained silent in the fray, _People talk too much anyway. _He thought quietly.

...

"I think I've finally figured it out!" Kidoumaru snapped his fingers, "We've fallen into an _alternate dimension_ where everyone _likes_ us! That's why my life's been going so well lately!"

Shikamaru yawned, "Sounds logical . . ."

"You know, Tayuya's birthday is in February, right?"

Shikamaru nodded, "I know. I've made plans."

Kidoumaru smiled, "I'll get her something she could really use, like . . ." He grinned mischievously, "_Handcuffs_."

Shikamaru's eyes shot open, "You wouldn't!"

Kidoumaru laughed, "C'mon, you know you like troublesome, domineering women."

Shikamaru sighed, "Your birthday is in two days . . ."

Kidoumaru leaned back and laced his fingers behind his head, "Yep. I'm turning sixteen . . . _Again_."

"Or twenty-one, depending on how you look at it." He snapped his fingers, "Hey, if Tayuya was born in February, doesn't that make her sixteen already? Come to think of it, you're the _youngest_ of the Five!"

"The years we were dead don't count. Besides, we weren't brought back until April. Jirobou and the Creep Twins are still older than me, but I now have a year over Tayuya."

"I doubt she'd agree." Shikamaru grinned, "If you want to buy handcuffs for someone, _Hana_ would probably appreciate them . . ."

They both laughed, "Poor Kankurou . . . He's _almost_ as whipped as you, Shika!"

Kidoumaru stood up and stretched, "Well, I'm going to see Shino. I'll be back after while, before dinner, probably."

"See ya'."

A few minutes after Kidoumaru left, Tayuya walked in. "Hey, Lazy-#!," She jumped onto the couch next to Shikamaru, "When are you going to _propose_ to me?!"

To be continued . . .


	29. Chapter 29

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 29

Shikamaru gasped, "You want me to propose to you?!"

Tayuya grinned, "I thought you'd_ never_ ask! Of course I'll marry you!"

"B-b-b-b-but . . ."

Tayuya threw her arms around him, "I knew it! I'm so #! happy!"

Shikamaru didn't know what to say . . . "S-s-so. You said you wanted music at the wedding . . .?"

...

Kankurou stopped in mid-stride and did a double-take, "It couldn't be . . ."

But it was.

Walking down the street, hand-in-hand, laughing, were Temari and Kotaro. "Oh, hi, _Kitty_." Temari grinned, "What's wrong, cat got your tongue?"

Kotaro paled, "Kankurou-Sama, it's not . . ."

Temari grinned, "Don't worry, my _uke _brother won't beat you up."

Kankurou's left eye began to twitch in annoyance, and he blushed deep crimson beneath his face-paint as Kotaro fought to keep from laughing at his boss. Temari, however, had no such restraint, "Oh, look! He's even got that cute, _helpless uke blush!_"

Kankurou snarled, "You know what she did to her_ last_ boyfriend, don't you?" Temari's eyes widened in shock, then she looked away. "I'm sorry, Temari . . ." Kankurou felt guilty about bringing the subject back up, but he'd lost his temper.

"No, it's _true_, isn't it . . ." Temari sighed.

"I know," Kotaro said softly, "And I can defend myself pretty well . . ."

He smiled and put an arm around her. "Temari, I'm sorry, I just lost my temper, I'm just tired of being treated like something _less_ than a man, ya' know, jan . . ."

Temari nodded, "I'm good at making guys feel like that, aren't I?"

"It's not your fault, our whole family is screwed up, jan." He smiled, "We'll just have to make sure our kids have a better childhood than we did, jan."

Kotaro grinned, "Kids, huh? What do you think, little summoners or little fan-wielders?"

"HEY! Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?!" Kankurou shook a fist at him, "That's my _sister_ you're talking about, jan!"

"Oh, don't listen to him, Kotaro!" Temari turned and kissed him passionately, "See, he's just a teddy bear . . . You're still alive, right?"

"I'm not sure . . ."

Kankurou shook his head and walked on, Hana was expecting him to be home, undressed and in bed by the time she got home from the vet's office. . .

Poor whipped uke.

...

Maki fairly threw himself into bed, a nice, warm, soft bed. _Finally home._ He stretched out and settled into his pillow. They'd trekked two days through the desert and another through the jungles of Amegakure. Between the heat of Suna days, the freezing cold of it's nights, and Ame's perpetual rain, his wooden puppets were in serious danger of cracking or warping, despite the coating of protective coating. He'd have to check them over carefully in the morning. He also wanted to practice some of the new techniques he'd learned from Kankurou.

...

Zaku smirked and gave Kin the thumbs up, then crept over to the sleeping Eiji. He grinned and picked up his first right hand, and sprayed a thick clump of shaving cream into his palm. Zaku then reached up and began tickling him behind the ear. Eiji grumbled in his sleep and began to raise his hand, then shoved it in Zaku's face. Eiji smiled and sat up as Kin broke out laughing.

"You look good like this, Zaku."

Zaku wiped the cream from his face, "Don't you _ever_ sleep?!"

"No. Remember that if you try to prank me again."

Zaku frowned, then smirked, and sprayed a good amount of shaving cream onto Eiji's face. "HA! I got you!"

Kin began laughing loudly, risking waking everyone in the house.

"Very funny, runt." Eiji wiped the mess from his face. "Hey, I just realized something," Eiji grinned, "Kin doesn't have _any_ shaving cream on her face yet . . ."

Kin ran . . .

The next morning,

Kidoumaru sped through the forest, flashing through the treetops. He had no set destination, he just wanted to get out and enjoy himself. The air was cold, clear and refreshing, and everything was covered in a thin lair of snow.

"What are you doing?"

Kidoumaru nearly fell from the tree he was in, "What the . . .?"

Kimimaro sat crossed legged on a large, fallen tree, "I came out here to think. Konoha is a loud place, I need solitude sometimes."

Kidoumaru leaned against a tree, "I wanted to get out and move, I don't see how Shikamaru can lay around all the time, why sit in the locker room while everyone else goes to the game?"

"You have an astute way of looking at things, even if you do act like a buffoon."

Kidoumaru gave a mocking pout, 'A buffoon?' _Me?_ That's not nice." He shook his head, "You really need to learn to let your hair down and enjoy yourself, there's more to life than brooding and killing and brooding _about_ killing."

"To your life, perhaps, but not mine. I've been raised to fight and kill since the day I was born, I've never been 'normal'."

"You sound like Sai. You know Sai, don't you, vampire-pale, black hair, wears a half-shirt, doesn't understand emotions . . ."

"I understand emotions, loyalty, rage, hatred . . ._ Disappointment_."

"But you do have friends. There's Juugo, for one. He actually looks up to you, instead of just being terrified of you like most of the rest of us."

Kimimaro smiled thinly, "If you're terrified of me, why are you still here?"

"Because I'm a buffoon. I actually think I'd like to see you happy. Not ripping your enemies' spines out through their butts happy, but enjoying life. It sure as Hell would make most of our lives better, not worrying about you going nuts and killing everyone."

"You've always hated me, Kidoumaru. And I had no love for you, either, we gladly would have killed each other given the chance, so why do you care about me _now_?"

Kidoumaru shrugged, "Beats me. I guess it's because we're all from the same place, and we're all outsiders here. A lot of good people here are willing to give us a chance and accept us, but there are still people who hate us. And we can forget about ever going back to Otogakure, pardon or not. We have to stick together to survive.."

"You have a point, but people don't change that easily."

"Nobody ever said it was easy."

To be continued . . .


	30. Chapter 30

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 30

"You did _what?!_"

Kidoumaru shook his head as Shikamaru shrugged, "She asked me . . . I didn't know what to say . . ."

Kidoumaru slapped his forehead, "You agreed to_ marry_ Tayuya?! Are you insane?!" He shuddered, "It's too awful to think about . . . Being _related_ to her! Oh, why does this have to happen to me?! And on_ today_ of all days!" It was December 14th, Kidoumaru's sixteenth birthday,_ again_, as he'd mistakenly held it previously, in July . . .

Shikamaru grinned, "I'll just _tell_ her _you_ said that."

Kidoumaru fell to his knees and clenched his hands together pleadingly, "Please, no! She'd _kill_ me!"

"Alright, alright," Shikamaru laughed, "You really are afraid of her, aren't you?"

Kidoumaru got to his feet, "You've fought her, you know how dangerous she can be." He smirked, "Of course, from what I've heard, you really pissed her off. Did you really feel her up?"

"It was to distract her."

Kidoumaru's eyes widened, "Man, have you got balls. Zaku grabbed her butt one time, and she broke his hand!"

Shikamaru yawned, "Why can I see Zaku doing something like that?"

"Because he's a pervert like you."

Shikamaru grunted, "I take it you never hit on her?"

Kidoumaru shuddered again, "Hell no! I like my balls right where they are, thank you . . ."

...

"Do you still want revenge against Kankurou-San?" Shizune asked, looking into Sakon's eyes.

Sakon shrugged, "Somebody, I think it was Jirobou, said it wasn't personal, he'd just been protecting Dog-Boy, and we told him that if he wasn't ready to die, the brat shouldn't have gone out into battle, Kiba, I mean. That it was none of Puppet-Boy's business, but we were always taught that our allies', even our teammates and friends' lives nothing, if we had to sacrifice someone to win, so be it. I guess we were all just trying to survive ourselves, the enemies' lives didn't matter. If you do feel sorry for your enemy in battle, you're dead . . . Honestly, I don't know what we'd do, given the chance. A few months back, I'd have killed them both, but now . . . I'm not angry with the Mutt, he barely touched us, but Kabuki-Boy . . . How do you forgive someone who killed you, who _killed_ you _and_ your brother?"

Ukon rolled his eyes, "You're getting soft. That's war. People die, if anyone cared about them, they cry a bit and get on with it . . . If you take the time to figure out who your enemy is, what kind of life he had, whether or not he 'deserves' to die . . . That's . . . that's just _crazy_! There's no room for_ compassion_ in _battle_! Don't tell me Konoha-Nin are taught to be merciful to their enemies, even outside of battle, you have torturers too, ya know!"

Shizune shrugged, "I wasn't saying that we don't do things I hate, even things I'm ashamed of. Tsunade-Sama is trying to change things as best she can, restricting use of torture to when information is vital . . . I wish the world were a better place, without wars and torturers and the like, but it's not. War is terrible, and people can be worse than animals."

Sakon sighed, "People can be a lot worse than animals," He reached out and scratched TonTon's chin, "I've never heard of an animal doing anything like Orochimaru did." He set his chin in this hand and leaned against the table, Ukon ignored him and began flirting with the nearest waitress.

...

Deidara watched in amazement as the elegant creatures Sai had drawn literally lept from the scroll. The pair of stylized ink lions prowled around the artists for a moment before vanishing.

"How can you create such art without _passion_, un? You must feel _something!_"

"Several people have been telling me that I feel some emotion, though I have been unable to confirm it." Sai shrugged.

"Art_ is_ emotion, passion . . ." Deidara proclaimed, "You have natural talent, but you also have _artistic vision_, un. You have emotion in there somewhere, struggling to break out."

...

"Hey, Babe." Kidoumaru took Sakura into his arms, "Are you my birthday present?"

Sakura blushed, "You know it. Happy birthday."

They kissed. "Mmmmm . . . Best birthday ever."

"It's not every year you turn sixteen _twice_."

Now Kidoumaru blushed, "I guess that makes me_ thirty-two_ . . ."

"And you call _me_ a cradle robber!" Sakura grabbed hold of his shirt and pulled him close, kissing him.

"I'm gonna' be #! _Sick_!" Tayuya made a gagging sound.

"You know Tayuya, it's customary to knock before entering other people's homes."

Tayuya grunted, "Yeah, I don't want to walk in on you two makin' little spiders!"

"TAYUYA!"

Tayuya cackled and started up the stairs, "Since I'm engaged to Lazy-#!, I'm family here."

Kidoumaru shuddered, "_Wonderful_ . . ."

"Bite me."

"I would, but there's no telling what _diseases_ you're carrying."

Tayuya stopped halfway up the stairs and glared at Kidoumaru, "You _really_ don't want to #! see _seventeen_, do you?"

Kidoumaru cringed, "I . . ."

Sakura glared back at Tayuya, "_You_ don't want to see_ sixteen_, apparently."

Tayuya laughed, she knew how deceptively strong Sakura was, "Good point. Happy birthday, you #!"

To be continued . . .


	31. Chapter 31

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 31

Sakon whistled and laced his fingers behind his head, the date with Shizune had gone well. Ukon was fast asleep, and Sakon felt a bit upset that his twin had yet to find a girlfriend. He knew that the 'High Class' clans like the Hyuuga would not welcome a 'Low Class' freak showing interest in one of their purebred daughters. Ukon was convinced they practiced incest, and Sakon tended to agree.

_I wish I could have seen old Hiashi's face when he found out about Hinata and Naruto!_ Sakon laughed, then lept aside as several kunai hit the ground in front of him.

"UKON!"

Ukon's head snapped up as a ninja landed in the street in front of them. "Not a very good shot, is he brother?"

The ninja pulled out a handful of senbon, "I missed on purpose. I wanted you to know that you're about to die."

The Twins snarled, "No, _you're_ going to die." Sakon stuck out tongue as the senbon were flung in his direction, but he flashed aside seconds before contact.

The ninja looked around in a near panic. "You're a pathetic excuse for a ninja, ya' know that? So, why do you want to kill us? Are you an Inuzuka?"

Sakon swept the man's legs out from under him, but the ninja rolled away before he could strike, then lept to his feet.

"No, he doesn't have a mutt with him, brother."

"You animals should have been killed the minute you set foot in Konoha!"

Ukon laughed, "I guess he doesn't like us, little brother."

"You killed _my_ brother, you freak! Do you even _remember_ killing those ANBU outside of the Akatsuki lab?!"

"So that's it." Ukon said softly, "Well, I guess we won't be able to _talk_ our way out of this." Neither Twin felt like gloating anymore, they were brothers as well. Still, they weren't ready to die again. "Okay, then let's make this _quick_. We're unarmed, brother, we'll have to use our bare hands."

"We've done it before."

The Twins rushed forward, apparently their opponent was unaware of Sakon's legendary speed, and before he knew it a hand was wrapped around his throat.

"Just break his neck, bro!"

Sakon tightened his grip on the struggling man, his eyes narrowing.

He closed his eyes, then flung him away.

"Are you _crazy_?! He tried to kill us!"

The ninja lay stunned in the street, then he struggled into a sitting position, "Do you think I'll _forgive_ you? You should have killed me."

Sai stepped from his house and out into the street, "What's going on out here?"

"This guy tried to kill us!"

...

"So, it was just me and Tayuya, surrounded by an army of elite Iwa-Nin, and they weren't playing around!" Kidoumaru, Sakura, Yoshino, Shikato and Shikamaru were sitting around the dinner table, enjoying some time together, "I thought it was _Game Over_. Then Tayuya just laughed and started cussing them out, so I started laughin' too, I mean, I wasn't gonna' let her make me look scared. We figured if we were gonna' die, we weren't going alone, so we just jumped in and started swinging. I was in full game mode, takin' 'em down left and right, and from the screaming I knew Tayuya was holding her own. After a few minutes, the smart ones were already running back to Iwa with their tails between their legs. When Jirobou and the Twins finally caught up to us, there was nobody left for them to fight!"

Shikato leaned back in his chair, "Impressive, I didn't know Tayuya was much for hand-to-hand combat."

"If she's angry enough, she could kill a man just by lookin' at him! I'm _serious_, she scared this poor dope to death on one mission, he just fell over, it wasn't pretty. The pervert, he should have never tried to get her to. . ." There was a knock at the door, and Yoshino rose to answer. "It's a bit late for visitors, isn't it?" Yoshino came back with Jirobou.

"Kidoumaru, someone tried to kill the Twins!"

...

Zaku leaned lazily against the wall, watching Eiji comb his hair, "Where are you goin'?"

Eiji turned slightly, "Mizuki and I are going to go out and have some fun."

"FUN?! _You?_!" Zaku laughed, "Going out _knitting_?"

Eiji smiled, "Actually, we're going out to pick up some girls . . ."

Zaku's eyes widened, "When did you get a life? What are you gonna' do, lecture them on the dangers of sex?"

Eiji smiled and patted Zaku on the head, "Awww, such a cute_ little_ boy!"

Zaku blushed crimson, "I'm _not_ a cute little boy! I'm fifteen and I'm a _deadly ninja_!"

"Whatever. I'm going out, I'll see you later."

"Can I come?"

"Sorry kid, if I took you girl-chasing Kin would kill you, then she'd kill _me_ . . ." He paused and squinted, "Hey, has anyone ever told you that you have beady little eyes?"

"Just go already!" Zaku shouted, "And if you need any tips on how to deal with girls, just come to me!"

...

"So, what are you gonna' do to him?" Ukon asked roughly, and Tsunade just shook her head.

"I'm putting him in the hospital, he needs mental help."

The attacker, one Mushashi Mako, had been taken into custody. Tsunade laced her hands in front of her and leaned forward on her desk, "I understand you _could_ have killed him, but you _didn't_ . . ."

The Twins were silent for moment, then Sakon answered, "We don't kill _weaklings_ anymore, there's no fun in it."

Tsunade sighed, "Is that the _only_ reason?"

"You'd think she'd be happy she's not short a fool, little brother. It's not 'cause we're getting _soft_, if that's what you think! We know that if we kill some of these #! Morons, you'll have _us_ killed!"

Tsunade frowned, "Get the Hell out! I don't know why I thought you #! might actually have hearts!" As the Twins left, mumbling, Tsunade allowed herself to smile, _Do they actually think they can fool me with that 'evil' act? Why can't they just admit they're human? Kidoumaru said they all had to be ruthless to survive in Otogakure, that showing any kindness was considered a weakness._ She rubbed her forehead, _I can't imagine what it was like, under him . . ._

To be continued . . .


	32. Chapter 32

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 32

"I'm surprised," Kidoumaru flicked a crumb off of the table, "This hasn't happened before now. There have to be a lot of people with grudges against us."

Sakon picked up a french fry and looked at it in boredom, "We weren't ever in any danger, the guy had no skill, any Genin could have taken him."

The Oto-Nins were all sitting around a pair of tables at the Super Burger for their weekly lunch together.

"Genin took all of us." Jirobou reminded.

"Hmph! I don't think Puppet-Boy or #! Blondie were Genin!" Tayuya snarled, "What he's saying is that anyone can be dangerous, if they get_ lucky_ enough."

Kimimaro said, "Who would have ever imagined that a boy with _no_ Chakra abilities at all could survive a fight with me?"

"Man, I wish I'd lived long enough to see that fight!" Kidoumaru grinned, "That's a once in a lifetime fight!"

"You're on your second life now, dumb-#!" Ukon laughed.

"We all are." Dosu sighed, "I missed all of it. I died first, remember?"

"Don't feel too bad about that, I fought Gaara-Sama too, he's . . . He's a _force of nature_ . . ." Everyone turned and looked at Kimimaro.

"Since when are you nice?" Ukon shook his head, "I never thought I'd see it, we've all gone soft!"

"Speak for yourself, #!-Face!" Tayuya threw a cup of soda at him.

"You're just as bad! You're fawning all over Shikamaru like some kind of . . ._ Love-struck girl_!"

"What the #! Did you just call me?!"

Jirobou growled, "Shut up Tayuya, before you get banned from here, too!"

"I take it back, We haven't _all_ gone soft." Ukon said, "I think Jirobou's actually grown a pair . . ."

...

Eiji smiled and mussed Zaku's hair, "Sorry you couldn't come along, maybe we can do something together today."

Zaku yawned, "I understand."

"I was looking at some maps, and I found something that might interest you." He pulled a map from his pocket, "About seventeen miles from this village is an abandoned quarry, they got whatever they were digging for, I guess, but it's still full of rocks. Might find something interesting."

Zaku's eyes lit up, "You want to take me rock hunting?"

Eiji nodded, "I figured if rocks interest you, hey, it's better than killing people, right?" He laughed, "Do you want to invite Kin?"

Zaku shook his head, "Naw, I need some time away."

Eiji laughed, "I bet she would appreciate your being away too!"

...

As they walked to the village gates, Eiji turned to Zaku, "I was wondering, you . . . Hate bugs, and I don't blame you, but you have a dragonfly as a summon . . ."

Zaku nodded, "Dragonflies are nothing like the bugs_ he _uses, a bunch of tiny roaches . . ." He shuddered, "Anyway, I don't mind stuff like dragonflies, butterflies, moths, grasshoppers, just ones that look like Kikai, like roaches and beetles."

Eiji paused thoughtfully, then grinned, "Have you ever thought of a career as an exterminator? Shino would _hate_ that!"

Zaku laughed, "I could be a geologist _and_ an exterminator, I could kill bugs _with_ rocks!"

Miles away, in Konohagakure, Aburame Shino felt a sudden chill . . .

To be continued . . .


	33. Chapter 33

Homecoming and Prank Wars

Chapter 33

Kidoumaru lay back in his chair, reading. It was quiet in the house, Shikamaru and Shikato were asleep and Yoshino had gone out with friends. The only time he could stay still was when reading or sleeping,_ ADHD_, the doctor called it. If he wasn't distracted by games, books or fighting, Kidoumaru would become jumpy and fidgety. He stood up and stretched, then set his book on the table and walked off, heading toward Sakura's house.

...

Zaku walked into the house carrying a large web bag filled with rocks of various sizes and shapes, Eiji close behind him,."

I see your hunting was successful." Akira smiled.

"Yeah! We had a great time!" Zaku grinned and started down the hallway to his room.

"You boys better get washed up and change, you're covered in dust!" Tomoe said, "And put those clothes in the hamper!"

They were both covered in a fine layer of dust and sand.

"I'll get a shower first, while you're putting your stones away," Eiji said, and moved off to his room for some clean clothes.

"Find anything interesting?" Kin smiled and walked over to Zaku.

"Yeah, I even found a little copper! Wanna' see?"

...

"Shika's asleep," Kidoumaru called out as Tayuya walked by.

"He's _always_ asleep! Don't worry, I'll wake him!"

Kidoumaru shook his head and walked on. As he walked up to Sakura's door it swung open, "Hey Babe. You look nice . . ."

Sakura threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, "You look pretty hot today yourself, Pretty Boy."

"Mmmmmm . . . Well, let's go look at each other better." Kidoumaru grinned and picked her up, then carried her into the house.

...

Zaku, Kin and Eiji began carefully placing the various rocks on Zaku's bookshelf, where his Lava Lamp and the crystal Kankurou had given him already resided.

"We may have to get a new bookshelf, Wind Bag."

"Yeah, I think you're right, Granny."

Eiji laughed, "Never insult a man holding a_ large rock_, kid."

"Ha, you're not much older than I am."

Eiji nodded, then turned slightly, "Kin, you'll never guess what I found."

Kin Leaned back against the wall, "What did you find?"

"There's a temple in Suna with some of the most impressive bells in the world. We'll have to take you to check 'em out."

Kin smiled, "I think I'd like that."

Zaku groaned, "But Suna is so HOT!"

"They also have some world-famous _caverns_, open to the public . . ."

Zaku grinned, "Let's go then!"

...

Tayuya walked into the room and smiled. Shikamaru was sprawled out, fast asleep, clad only in his boxers. She sat on the bed next to him. _He's so #! cute like this . . _. She considered smacking his backside to wake him, but decided to watch him sleep instead. After a few minutes Tayuya grew tired, curled up next to Shikamaru, and was soon asleep herself.

...

Kidoumaru and Sakura sat on the roof of her house, looking up at the stars.

"It's amazing, that things can be so peaceful in this world." Kidoumaru said softly, "I'd forgotten what it was like . . ."

"It is amazing, and I hope it stays this way."

"There will always be fighting, as long as there are greedy, selfish and hateful people out there. But, as long as there are good people to fight them, things will turn out alright."

A bright orange flash lit up the sky, and fireworks began exploding overhead. The bright colors began to play off of the new-fallen snow.

"Mmmmm, Romantic, eh Babe?"

Sakura answered with a kiss.

The End . . .


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